


Pyrrhic

by PearlHavoc



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Enchanted Forest, F/F, Human weapon Regina, Princess Emma Swan, Swan Queen Supernova 2018, some violence but nothing too graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 15:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlHavoc/pseuds/PearlHavoc
Summary: Pyrrhic - (of a victory) won at too great a cost to have been worthwhile for the victor.The White Kingdom emerges victorious from a seemingly unending war. Years later, Princess Emma meets human weapon Regina.





	Pyrrhic

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pyrrhic [ART]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672423) by [inkedauthority](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkedauthority/pseuds/inkedauthority). 



> Huge thanks to my Beta and my cheerleader, I was not super communicative during this process but appreciated your support nonetheless.
> 
> Also, check out the amazing artwork done by inkedauthority!

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a tiny kingdom nestled between two much larger neighbors. When the two went to war the White Kingdom was caught irrevocably caught in the conflict.

Regina did not grow up in the White Kingdom. In fact, she did not learn of its existence till many years later. She grew up in the endless woods that stretched beyond reach to the east of the White Kingdom. Her father, Henry, was a humble miller, and their family was sustained by the flour ground at the mill. Long ago he had been heir to a far-off kingdom in the south, but that was nothing more than a fantasy now. The kingdom had been conquered and absorbed, the royal family scattered to the wind to survive. Her mother was a witch in hiding. People in the realm did not take too kindly to magic, so her use of magic was limited. Despite this, much of their income was supplemented by the illegal work Cora did. People in the forest may fear magic, but they were completely willing to use it for their own gains.

Regina thought that they were happy enough, and they were. ‘Enough’ was made up of the small moments that Regina stole from her Mother. Walking in the woods. Sneaking in a riding lesson from one of the many travels that visited their humble mill. Getting a good story from her Father before bed. A hug. Sitting beneath her apple tree. Mother canceling their lessons to deal with a client. Her Father’s face lighting up when he saw her smile.

The vast remainder of the other moments were not so touching. Her Mother’s magic was terrifying. It was bad enough to witness it being used on some poor unfortunate soul that couldn’t afford to pay—it was worse to have it used on you.

“Regina, a lady does not slouch,” Cora said while using her magic to bind her to the high-backed chair in perfect posture. Regina doesn’t make a sound, knowing that the punishment for that would be worse.

Her father doted on her, loved her. Coddled was Mother’s preferred term for it. He loved both his daughter and his wife but was not brave enough to protect one from the other. Regina knew what a coward was, but she loved her father enough to try and not care. They were her family, regardless, and she loved them.

-

Human magic users were easily corrupted. It was part of the reason that there were so few of them. The more magic that a human used, the less control they would have. The longer that went, on the more likely it was that they would self-combust. There were many stories of human magic users that ended in a violent and fiery death. Many of these stories had been spun into cautionary tales to scare children out of dabbling in magic and most of them worked.

Fairies had better control of their magic, but they mostly kept to themselves. Despite their occasional penchant for helping despondent and wayward children, they were not too keen on engaging in human affairs. Humans, for lack of a better word, were messy. To deal with humans at all was to risk their own status as a fairy.

Rumpelstiltskin was one of the few human magic users that had survived past adolescence, in fact, he had outlived just about every single other magic user in that realm. He was the one to teach Cora magic. He was no longer completely human. Legends called him the Dark One, but the moniker had lost its meaning over time.

He did not normally make a point of checking up on old apprentices, but he would make exceptions when he needed something. Cora was easily his most prodigious student, not to mention the only currently living one, so she was the obvious choice. Rumple did not expect to find his prodigal student in such a domestic arrangement.

Cora sensed her old master’s presence the moment he stepped foot in the forest, so she was already outside waiting for him as he appeared in a cloud of dark smoke. “What do you want?” She asked without emotion, knowing him all too well. He looked the same as the day she left, perhaps a bit more decrepit, but overall the same.

“Can’t a teacher just check up on his dear student?” Rumple replied with his usual flourish.  
He keeps his tone even, but his manic movements betray his poorly constructed facade. Cora raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at the suggestion that Rumple would ever be so casual as to drop in, the imp was a conniving monster on a good day he didn’t do anything casually. “Fine, I needed some help on a particularly difficult spell, but now I am a bit more interested in your current arrangement,” he says it slowly like he’s trying to process the current situation, even though Cora knows that he knows that her former teacher never needed to process anything for too long. “I have seen some futures, but I never expected this would be the one you would choose!” He sounds unusually excited in his contempt.

“You lost the right to comment on my decision ages ago,” her eyes narrowed with suspicion, “do you want the help or not?” Cora replied, her words laced with acid.

“I did, but you see I’ve found something much more interesting to play with,” Rumpelstiltskin replied in his signature mixture of glee and sadism, “I can’t really imagine that you are very happy in this arrangement,” Cora averted his gaze, “Playing house with an exiled prince really loses its appeal after the first few years,” he drummed his fingers together in giddy excitement, “and despite your daughter’s name she will never have a chance of becoming queen, so I would like to offer you a deal.”

Cora’s expression betrayed nothing, but she couldn’t deny the truth in her old master’s words. “No deal you have ever made has been worthwhile, what makes this one any different?”

“I can guarantee that you’ll like this one dearie,” His sick smile nearly broke his face. He pulled a small jar out of his jacket to show how serious he was. Cora’s own face broke out into its own twisted expression as she heard about the deal of a lifetime.

-

Regina learned at age twelve that her life was not worth very much. Her mother had traded her to a man with skin like a golden alligator for a bean and a mirror. The more cynical part of her, the part that had been groomed by the various criminals that sought out her mother’s help, thought that her mother should have asked for more. The more innocent part of her, admittedly more akin to a normal twelve-year-old, realized that she was being ripped away from her family and home. As she made a move to cry out in protest she felt the familiar grip of magic silencing her cries and halting her ability to move. She was stuck, as still as a statue as her mother sold her soul to the devil.

It did not take Cora long to pack her things and ready herself to leave. The deal was too good to pass up. She wrapped her traveling cloak around herself before giving her frozen daughter a quick kiss to the forehead. She held the jar with the bean pensively for a second, rolling it around in her hands absentmindedly, before finalizing her decision. She activated the bean and was gone.

“I refuse to let my daughter go with a monster like you,” Henry barks the words out like they’re pure poison and Regina thinks that this is the first time that her father has ever actively stood up for her. Henry grabs Rumpelstiltskin by his collar roughly holding a small hunting knife to his throat.

“Monsters like me are no different from what your wife was, or what your daughter has the potential to become,” Rumpelstiltskin is level-headed, waving his hand nonchalantly as if her fate did not rest in those very hands. As if her father wasn’t holding a knife to his throat. Not affected in the least by the very real threat to his life. “Besides, it’s not really up to you, your wife gave me all power in regard to what can happen to your daughter,” he smiled, and Regina feels her blood run cold. Henry presses the knife down and a slow stream of blood begins to trickle from the wound. Rumple remains unconcerned.

“Please, I’m begging you, don’t take Regina, she the only family I have left,” tears stream down her father's face in earnest. Despite the violence, he was attempting to exact on the other man it didn’t seem to affect him at all. The blood continued to fall but Rumpelstiltskin paid it no heed. Regina tries to scream but nothing comes out, tries to move but her body won’t obey her, but she keeps trying to force her body to do something.

“I’m sorry dear Miller, but you have nothing that I am interested in, your wife has already made the deal of the millennia, I can hardly believe that you would be able to top that.” With that note he used magic to push the miller back, he stumbles and the knife falls out of his hands. He closes the wound on his neck with a flourish of his hand and reaches forward for the miller’s chest.

Regina stood stuck, frozen, as the other man ripped her father’s heart out of his chest. The glowing red organ stood stark against the golden scales that adorned his hands. As the man’s hands closed over the organ with the intent to crush it, Regina feels something inside her break. The enchantment dissolves and she rushes at Rumpelstiltskin. She grabs at his hands, trying to wretch the heart of their clutches, but his grip remains firm. Regina sinks her teeth into his forearm to no avail. He looks shocked for a moment, whether from the bite or something else is lost on her, but his grip does not loosen.

“Let it go,” she staggers out between clenched teeth. Her bites don’t seem to affect him at all, she tries to kick him in the stomach, but he uses his other arm to catch her leg before she can.

“Interesting, very interesting,” his hands clench tighter around the organ, Regina mumbles louder in protest, trying everything to get him to loosen his grip, “You’re far more interesting than I’d hoped you would be, you could be of use to me yet,” he closes his hand finally and the heart it crushed to nothing more than dust. Out of the corner of her eye she can see her father’s body slump to the ground. She already knows that it’s too late for him. Regina stops biting him and starts screaming. She’s never wanted to hurt someone so much as she does him. She tries to rush him but before she can move he grabs her face in his hand and immobilizes her once again.

Rumpelstiltskin uses his other hand to rip her own heart out of her chest. It hurts like hell, none of her mother’s punishment could even compare. Regina could only watch as the man turned her heart over like a piece of fine pottery. She waited for death to come. She prayed to all the gods she didn’t believe in for death to come; for it to reunite her with her father. It never did.

-

“What are you going to do with me?” Regina had run out of tears hours ago, but her voice had just returned to her. The golden-skinned man still held her heart in his hand like it was a juggler’s ball.

“I haven’t decided yet,” the scaled man said, walking in circles, talking to himself more than to her. Rumpelstiltskin transported them back to his hovel. It was small and crammed full of old books and smelled awful, like it had never been cleaned, “You, my dear, present an interesting conundrum, I see so many options for you, but I’m currently trying to figure out which one suits me best,” Rumplestiltskin paces often, Regina learns. “You may make a good concubine, or a queen if you had been born in another time, or maybe the plaything of some royal brat?” He shakes his head at the last option, it was far too unambitious, “I’ll figure something out dearie, don’t worry your pretty little head.”

“Why not just kill me?” Regina would hardly say that she wanted to die, she wanted the whole situation to be over with if that meant death then so be it. She had no family and no means of escape. Had she looked in the mirror at that moment she would have seen her normally expressive eyes void of anything resembling life. She didn’t need the mirror though, she was living it.

“My dear, you’re far too valuable to just kill, human magic users are exceedingly rare, when will I get another opportunity like this? I was lucky enough to meet your mother when I did.”

“How did you know my mother?” Regina could tell that that question struck a chord with him, his scales visibly prickled. Regina thinks they look almost like the feathers of a ruffled chicken. She overheard the conversation between him and her mother, she knew that they were familiar, whether she got any information was another matter. Chickens were prone to emotional outbursts right after their feathers were ruffled, it was only a matter of time until he squawked.

“I met your mother when she summoned me to learn magic from, she found some incantation scribbled in the back of a second hand magic book, preposterous really, but I don’t care how people find me, it only matters that they need something from me,” Rumple slides into one of the few chairs not occupied by piles of research notes, lost in thought for a moment in simpler times, “Your mother was a gifted student but we started her training far too late for her to be of any use to me.”

“What kind of use did you need her for?”

“Something similar to whatever I need you for, the future is never sure dearie, we live and we accept the consequences that may come.”

On the surface level, Regina thinks this statement rather wise. The next level down, however, she knows it’s coming from a man who bought a child with no real plan in place and can’t be bothered to clean his home. 

-

Regina did not consider herself Rumpelstiltskin's student, that phrasing implied some form of personal choice. Rather she considered herself his possession, an object that he would use as he saw fit, he seemed to agree. He had her heart and had commanded her to stay, she had no choice whatsoever.

“Removing your heart isn’t enough to grant immortality, that’s the first mistake that all sorcerers make, they think that just because their heart is no longer in their chests that they become immune to time’s arrow.”

Regina does not understand why he is telling her this or whether he’s telling it to her so much as he’s talking and she happens to be in the room. Nonetheless, Regina finds some form of morbid curiosity on the subject. Her father’s death still haunted her, it was still far too fresh in her mind. It was the last memory she had of being able to feel much of anything. What she felt at the time was total devastation. It had been less than half a year and already she had forgotten what it meant to be devastated. She knew that her mother had magic, learning that she had it as well was a revelation in its own right.

“You’ll notice that where your heart is supposed to be hurts, most humans can’t survive that pain for too long, it either causes them to return their own hearts to their chest or perish, you’ve lasted months already without your heart, much longer than any normal human would, which I take as a good sign for my research.” Rumple talked of his research often, the finer details were often forgotten in his rambles. Regina would ask often of the details and be ignored just as often. “Without your heart your emotions will be stunted, but will likely not disappear completely,” he pauses in thought for a second, twirling his hands around almost lackadaisically, “although most humans self-combust before they reach anywhere close to the point where they would become emotionless,” Regina can already see some of this in practice, her emotions were further away with every day that passed. “We will have to see what happens with you.”

Regina nods along with the information absorbing it and attempting to match the theory onto her own life. Sometimes she thinks that self-combusting would be preferable to being stuck in this hovel for much longer.

Rumpelstiltskin wanted to be immortal. That was the goal at least. Not that he had had much success thus far. Regina watched him tinker with potions and riffle through spell books for days on end. It was quite boring but there was little else for her to do. She tried tidying up the first few weeks she was there, but Rumple threw a hissy fit every time she tried to move something. For someone who was supposed to be several hundred years old, he was very immature. She thinks almost a year ago she would have found it funny.

“Aren’t you already immortal?”

“No, silly child, I may have lived for centuries, but I can die like anyone else, I made a bargain with a Jinn to slow my aging, the skin is a minor side effect,” he said as he tinkers around with the potions on the far wall.

“You chose to look like an alligator year-round?” Not that she had ever seen a real alligator, but the artist’s rendition in her storybook is very accurate.

“A small price to pay.”

“Why do you want to be immortal?”

“My reasons are my own, but there is a future that I must live to see and dying young will not help matters.”

“You’re old enough to die several times over, what would be able to kill you?” Regina asks the question anyway, despite knowing she would not get a satisfying or useful answer.

“I’m sorry dearie, but who in their right mind would tell their property how to become free, that is simply bad business,” he tuts at her like she’s an insolent child and Regina finds that she can still feel anger and he’s right, anger doesn’t feel even remotely as satisfying as it did before.

“So why do you need me? You’re practically immortal, what’s the difference?”

“Practical immortality and actual immortality are very different, I want eternal life,” even without her heart the child was insolent, that could be remedied with time. The longer the heart stayed out of the body the harder it would be to feel much of anything, provided she didn’t destroy herself first.

“What’s the use of that?” The girl slouches into one of the few unoccupied chairs, bored already. He always talked of some grand plan, but he was just as clueless as she was.

“Living forever is just one of many things that I hope to accomplish in time, I can’t expect a child to understand the intricacies of immortality.” He had places he need to go and people yet to be born that he needed to meet, there was no time to waste.

She lives with Rumpelstiltskin in his hovel, it’s not as if she has a choice though. She’s a guinea pig for a madman. A madman that is not very good at looking after his ward. Regina wanders the forest when she has no direct orders, never straying too far. She knows she can't go back home, her heart won’t allow it. A heart could control its user but traveling too far from one’s heart could prove fatal. Rumple warned her of the danger, Regina can almost believe him but stays close to the hovel just in case. Her master trained her in magic until she could almost beat him in combat, he would never train her to be able to beat her. Secretly she thinks she could beat him if she were properly motivated. Her training was only a way to keep her occupied during the time in between. Rumple needed her to know how to use her magic for his grand plans to come to fruition.

Rumpelstiltskin spends years perfecting the spell, the first attempt having ended in failure when Regina was sixteen. It ends with her puking up blood into her chamber pot for weeks after. The curse didn’t stop her from aging, it allowed her body to destroy itself and reform itself instantaneously, often at the same time. It takes Regina months to figure out how to reverse the spell when she does her body finally stops its attempt at auto-cannibalism. Her relief is short lived however as the second attempt is made under a year later, Rumple makes some tweaks, hoping to have fixed the initial problem. Regeneration is not the same as immortality it turns out. Her body can regrow limbs and organs, but it’s excruciatingly slow and incredibly painful.

She’s almost twenty-two by the time Rumple feels confident enough that she won’t die if he fails. After all, it’s not like he has a surplus of human magic users to use as guinea pigs should he fail. Regina has almost no confidence in him but has no say in the matter anyway. This time it’s not a spell, it’s a curse. Spells were short term, curses were forever. Third time’s the charm. Regina thinks morbidly. Regina examines the black liquid suspiciously as she swirls the liquid in the flask around, stalling, if only for a few seconds. The viscosity is more similar to honey than water. The curse sloshes around the vial lazily, as if it didn’t hold her future. She downs the potion in a single swallow. It’s bitter and she feels the liquid burn all the way down. Feels her magic adjust to the intrusion. Her body is on fire for a second, she sees purple sparks fly off her body in a spectacular light show and then it’s over.

Rumple picks up a letter opener and plunges it into her hand, pinning it to the table in the lab. It hurts, it really fucking hurts, but only for a second. But Regina keeps a level head and pulls the ornate opener with the other hand and without even having to think about it. Purple sparks shoot from the wound for a second then close. It had been years without her heart, the pain was new but the curse didn’t change that fact. She feels different after the curse, not better, not worse, just different. Her magic feels like it’s at her fingertips instead of far beneath the surface. She conjures a fireball without so much as a thought, Rumple stares back at her through the flames. Visibly contemplating whether he can consider this a success. She waves her hand and fireball disappears, wondering the same thing.

He picks up her heart to see if it would be able to sustain itself in a body that no longer needed it. Weeks pass, then months, then years, Regina doesn’t age a day and her heart remains in the same condition as it did when it was first removed. Red as blood and the same size it was when it was pulled from her chest as a child.

The experiment is a success, but not in the way Rumple wanted it to be. He wanted immortality with no strings attached. He discovered was how to keep a tool alive indefinitely, a way to keep a heartless human alive forever. He smashes vial after vial in a fit of rage.

“You can’t obtain something without giving up something else in the process. All magic comes with a price, wasn’t that the first rule you taught me?” Regina smirks in her small consolation prize, it’s only a fraction of the price she was unwittingly forced to pay for immortality. His suffering would have to be enough for her for a while.

“The laws shouldn’t apply to me! I sold my soul to get this far! I don’t plan on living forever looking like this, I want to be human, not a tool like you,” Regina supposes that she should be insulted at the notion that she was nothing more than a tool, although at that moment she can’t feel much of anything. She realizes for a brief second that she’s been without her heart for something of a half century and she wishes that she could find it in her to cry.

Regina had outlived her usefulness to Rumpelstiltskin as a guinea pig. Both of them knew this from the moment the curse’s true use had been discovered. She only knew that it was only a matter of time before he found a new use for her or tried to kill her. Regina knew that he would be unable to kill her, she had tried to kill herself several times since the curse had been enacted, even the most violent of deaths had not even laid a scratch on her.

Rumpelstiltskin knew of the war that had raged on in the countries that reached far past edge of the woods. The kingdoms had waged war for years without an end in sight. If united they could have the resources to become a superpower in the world. With that, there could be information he needed to complete his research. He transports himself to the nearest town and begins to plan.

-

Snow had heard of Rumpelstiltskin before. She knew that he had been an advisor for the kingdom since the end of the war, she also knew that in that long stretch of time he did very little advising. He rarely visited the castle and when he did he would just lock himself in the library emerging several days later having destroyed any organization that may have existed there. So, it was quite surprising to hear that he was to inform the new king and queen of their duties.

Her father, King Leopold VI, had married late and died young. As such Snow was the only heir at the time of his death. She knew that her mother had lost many babies both before and after her birth. After her death giving birth to a stillborn baby boy, her father had given up on having any more heirs. His death had been so sudden that she had been wholly unprepared to take the throne for the next ten years or so. Nonetheless, the council allows her to ascend with little dissent. The official coronation was still months away, but Rumpelstiltskin insisted on giving them his introductory speech now.

He looked both frail and powerful. Snow though that the contradiction suited him well as he cracked a gruesome grin. Snow and David knew that Rumpelstiltskin was a magic user, it was the only logical explanation for how he had managed to live this long. Human magic users, or whatever Rumple was considered at this point, were extremely rare. Magic had the tendency to destroy those who wielded it. It was a skill one was born with that would eventually destroy them from the inside out; it was always gruesome, to say the least. But there were so few documented cases on this that much of what anyone knew was half fact and half wives’ tale. That was the version that Snow and David knew at least.

They expected some things—producing heirs, throwing balls and parties, keeping the nobles complacent, being nice to peasants, holding open court to make sure that their subjects felt like they had power, things such as this. Rumpelstiltskin explained these things to them in a bored tone, as if it physically pained him to give the speech.

The scaly man led the new monarchs idly around the castle grounds as if they were the visitors. They stopped at the dungeons, a place neither had ever been to before; Rumple mentioned offhandedly “Dearies, you may want to expand this area in the years to come, it’s getting awfully crowded down here.” They couldn’t disagree, too many prisoners were crowded in too few tiny cells. It was unsettling to learn that despite the peaceful air about the kingdom their dungeons were still overflowing with criminals. Leopold VI had shunned execution in favor of imprisonment, Snow had been the one to convince him of this. “David, I do believe that you will be the first king to not be named Leopold in nearly five generations,” Rumpelstiltskin loved to point out little things like that, something almost totally insignificant that he felt the need to explain to the new royals. Snow couldn’t tell if she was reading too far into the situation or if they were being made fun of, with the way he said things it was difficult to tell.“Kings are selfish like that, their own glory is more important than giving a child a proper name, it’s a pity, I do hope that your sons shan’t be called David,” the scaly man continued. The army barracks were the next location they stopped to chat at. Snow and David learned that the White Kingdom’s armies were rather small. Their internal monologue supplied that peaceful times wouldn’t need such a large army. Rumple’s external monologue provided: “The White Kingdom hasn’t needed a regular army since before the end of the war,” a statement that did nothing but puzzle Snow and David. Rumpelstiltskin continued his pontifications throughout the tour. Their too long excursion ended in the throne room.

Rumpelstiltskin handed the two of them what appeared to be an intricate jewelry box and motioned for them to open it as he backed away from the couple. Their shared looks of curiosity quickly morphed into looks of horror; for inside they found a beating red heart. Snow and David were too caught up in their own disgust to notice Rumpelstiltskin’s look of absolute glee.

David slammed the box shut and shoved it roughly into his wife’s hands so that he could draw his sword. “What is this? Explain yourself imp!” He roared.

“This, my naïve, young King is the final key to your new kingdom,” Rumpelstiltskin announced with showmanship befitting a ringleader. “Regina, be a dear, come out and introduce yourself to your new masters,” he spoke aloud, turning his head towards the closed throne room doors. They slammed open with ominous force. In walked a young woman dressed in simple riding clothes. He gestured to the woman, who couldn’t have been much older than they were, who stood at attention like a stone soldier. Even from their distance, they could see that her eyes betrayed no emotion. “This is Regina, the owner of that heart in your hands,” at this pronouncement Snow nearly dropped the box containing said heart. “Don’t worry dearies, she doesn’t want it back; in fact, she doesn’t even have the ability to take it back!” Rumple said on the verge of hysterical laughter “Regina is the missing piece of the White Kingdom’s history; she’s the only reason this family is in power!” David, who had lowered his sword as he listened, stood still in shock. “Your ancestors made a deal with me that ended the war—they traded me power and information for the ability to take back what was rightfully theirs, so, I gave them Regina!”

Snow’s hands could barely maintain their grasp on the box, they were shaking too much. “What does this mean?” She said, her voice shaking as much as her hands.

Snow and David stared on as the madman explained that the enchantment on Regina’s heart that gave them complete control over her, and that she would never age as long as her heart remained outside of her body. “You two will be the co-owners of her heart, the only ones capable of returning her heart to her, and thusly are the ones that can control her actions!” His smile turned even more sadistic as he walked over to Snow and plucked the heart from the box “Allow me to demonstrate!” His hand clutched the heart sitting in his hand tightly. Regina, who they had all but forgotten at this point, let out a pained gasp. The monarchs watched in repulsion as Rumpelstiltskin flexed his hand around the heart and the resulting pain that it caused the young woman.

“Stop it! You’re hurting her!” Snow screamed as she dropped the box on the palace floor. The sound echoed and blended with the sounds of Regina’s suffering. Rumple listened and lessened his grip on the heart; Snow visibly relaxed as she watched Regina stop writhing in agony.

“I’m merely showing you both what it really means to rule this kingdom,” to illustrate the point he spoke into the heart “Return to your chambers, we are done with you,” Regina rose from her spot on the floor and exited without another word, ignoring the spot of blood her spasms had left on the floor. “She is the ultimate weapon, completely loyal, obedient only to a select few, and best of all she is the most powerful magic user to ever come out of this realm,” he finished, stooping to pick up the dropped box and replacing the heart within it.

“We can’t rule like this,” David began after finally finding his voice, “We won’t rule like this!” He declared.

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that, as King and Queen, or Queen and consort, or whatever you’d like to call yourselves, you signed a verbal contract to serve your people,” Rumple splayed out his arms like a bird taking flight. “Protecting your people has always included Regina, this kingdom depends on it,” he paused for a moment, deep in thought, “A physical reminded of what your titles stand for.” They watched as matching marks appeared on their skin. They were hardly the size of a hay penny, a small inconspicuous black flower marred their wrists. Later, upon further inspection, they realize the flower is a part of their Kingdom’s crest.

“What did you do to us?” their panicked voices mixed together into a single cry. Clutching their wrists in absolute horror.

“I’ve just completed my duties; you both are now officially bound to the heart, as all monarchs before you have been, no one else, myself included, can control Regina’s heart now, the choice is yours, return it to her, keep it for yourself and your people, destroy it, it all lies in your hands.”

“We will not play your twisted game imp! We refuse to stand by an-” He was abruptly cut off by Rumple’s next question.

“Would you choose the life of a single girl over the safety of an entire kingdom? Using Regina has always been a sacrifice, but it has always been one the rulers of this kingdom have been willing to make,” Rumple said his piece and the royals fell into an inescapable and crushing silence that neither was able to break.

“Just remember dearies, the heart corrupts,” Rumple offered cryptically before he disappeared in a cloud of dark smoke. The King and Queen were left in the too quiet throne room with only the steady beating of Regina’s heart to keep them company.

-

Rebels in the Western Territories were trying to incite a rebellion. It was not the first time that this had occurred and would likely not be the last. The war council had voted and decided to send Regina to the territories, reasoning that it would arouse less suspicion than an army. David had informed the council of his intent to accompany her. This was highly unusual; Regina was efficient to a fault and needed no supervision; as disobedience was not even an option for her. But David insisted “As the King I should know what my army is capable of.” Because he was their King, they had to listen to him to a certain extent. So, he went.

Snow tried to persuade her husband to not go “David, it isn’t safe for you to travel alone, people will recognize you and you’ll be in danger!”

“Snow, I promise you I will be fine, and I won’t be alone, Regina will be me, she is obligated to protect me,” David tried to reassure his panicked wife as much as himself, “Really, it will be fine, I just want to see what she's capable of, I wouldn’t be much of a king if I didn’t know the strength of my own army,” his attempt at a joke falls flat. Snow is far from convinced. Despite his own misgivings he packed his bags and prepared for the journey.

Regina was not informed of this decision till the morning of her departure and she was not pleased to say the least. She did not say anything to indicate her displeasure, rather it was her expression that said it all. He had assumed that the council would inform her of his decision but evidently, he was incorrect in that assumption. Despite the silent death glares that he was receiving from the human weapon they prepared to leave. They left the safety of the palace before sunrise and began their three-day journey to the western territories.

For someone who lived without a heart, Regina was awfully irritated by his presence, David thought. Though he had been pestering her with questions almost non-stop since they left. “How long have you been doing this?” “What were some mistakes that earlier kings made all the time?” “What was the first Leopold like?”

The last question piqued Regina’s interest and she uttered her first words to the young King “The first Leopold was barely of royal blood, if you follow his actual ancestry he would have only been the third cousin once removed from the original White line, of course they were all but wiped out when the White Kingdom was originally conquered, he was nice enough in the beginning but power went to his head quickly,” Regina continued on without taking a breath, “I destroyed countless villages and families under his rule, that’s why there is a war council now, to prevent another King like that, of course, it took several generations for the royal advisors to realize that that was necessary,” She paused as if deciding what else needed to be said, while she did this David tried to wrap his head around what he had just heard. The Royal Family authorized mass killings. What else has this woman done in the name of the crown? “The last Leopold was especially fond of destruction, I killed more in his short rule than most Kings did in a lifetime,” Regina said with an undetectable bitterness.

“How dare you, Witch! You will not speak ill of our late King!” David fumed from his horse, not acknowledging the urge to touch the small flower on his inner wrist. Regina could sense his urge and barely blinked.

“You did not know your Father-in-Law like I did, he was a murderer and a scoundrel, Snow's pleadings only slowed the public executions of yesterday, I executed the enemies of the crown where no one would know,” Regina said in defiance before urging her horse into a gallop. David was stunned and barely managed to catch up with her.

Other than that anecdote, she rarely spoke and ignored the remainder of his questions. Much of what he had learned was what he could observe. Regina rode a horse that the entirety of the royal stable was terrified of. It was ill-tempered, unbroken, and had nearly killed a couple of the cockier stable hands. And yet it was as gentle as a summer breeze under her care. When they stopped to water their horses, he had made to move to pet the creature and it had almost taken some of his fingers off.

“He does not like to be touched, you will live longer if you care to remember that,” Regina almost chuckled as she watched the King count the number of fingers still attached to his hand. Rocinante, he was later informed the horse was called, on the other hand, allowed Regina to brush him and check his hooves for damages. Noticing his surprise Regina only offered “We are kindred spirits; we can tolerate each other.”

Regina had an ethereal quality about her. She moved through dense woods, small villages, and open roads with more grace than any human should be able to muster. David thought it unnatural to say the least. He had asked her if it was magic, but she didn’t feel the need to dignify his question with a response. Snow had been raised in the palace and had as much grace as any royal he had met thus far and yet she did not even compare. He had been a simple shepherd before, never trained in the manners of a court before the unlikely meeting that changed his fate. During his time as a prince-consort he had earned the moniker ‘Prince Charming’; it was a comment on both his charming nature and his general lack of knowledge in court politics.

“What are you? Are you really a human?” Before he really thinks about the question the words are already out of his mouth, seeing that there was no answer forthcoming he adds “They say that Rumpelstiltskin is still human after everything he has done, what makes you so different?”

“So, this is the best the White Kingdom has to offer, I guess the years of inbreeding has finally caught up to you,” Regina said with a smirk so large it almost cracked her stone face. The young king was shocked both by the woman’s insolence and almost more so by the fact that she seemed to have a sense of humor. Regina’s normally stoic expression shifted to one of almost girlish delight after seeing the expression on the King’s face. David sputtered trying to come up with an intelligible response, but nothing came out. Regina looked like someone her age for barely a moment. As soon as she was finished with her ridicule she reverted right back to his stone-faced traveling companion. For the remainder of their ride, she says nothing more on the matter.

The targets were making quite the spectacle of themselves, so they were easy to find. “Would you like me to keep the leader alive? Or would you rather I kill them all?” Regina asked as they stood at the edge of the gathered crowd. David was so shocked by the brazen nature of the question he almost forgot to answer.

“Keep the leader alive, we will need to find out where this rebellion is coming from,” David answered, finally remembering who he now was. Almost excited to find out who, or what, Regina really was.

“You are not nearly as dumb as your predecessors, they were much more interested in bloodshed,” Regina replied as she disappeared into the crowd. She reappeared moments late on the edge of the makeshift stage that the protesters were preaching from. If you didn’t look at her eyes she appeared to be a peasant in her simple riding clothes. She didn’t appear as such for much longer though. She moved too fast for the rebels to get away, David could only see a blur of greys and browns before he saw Regina’s arm disappear into one of the rebel’s chest’s. He watched in an undefined mixture of horror and curiosity as Regina tighten her grip on the heart in her hand and crushed it to dust. Regina made quick work of the group. They stood, frozen by her magic, awaiting their own execution. Standing amidst the panicked screaming of the peasants around him David felt a strange sense of peace. He watched as Regina efficiently knocked out the leader and sent him away in a cloud of smoke; he saw the mist that Regina released from her outstretched palms that erased the villagers’ memories of the event. The carnage was calming.

Only when the pair were already far away from the carnage did the King realize what he had witnessed—he stopped his steed to retch the meager contents of his stomach on the side of the road. Regina rode on without sparing a glance at the distressed King.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” David finally broke the silence after the second day, “To rip people’s hearts out, when your own heart could be destroyed just as easily?” He was still trying to wrap his head around what he had seen.

“I do not have the capacity for it to bother me, I do not have a heart,” Regina reminded him of that fact, “Even if I did, my actions are not of my own free will,” she finished, and David knew that that would be all she would say on the matter. They finished their journey in a silence that David was unable to break.

Snow was ecstatic when she saw that they had returned, David was ecstatic to be home again where he belonged. Where no one would force him to witness what he had seen ever again. Regina was an invaluable asset, but she was also dangerous. He could see how his predecessors could stand by and watch a single person suffer if it meant that the kingdom would be protected. What was the life of a single person when compared to the lives of tens of thousands of people in their kingdom?

-

Over breakfast one morning Rumpelstiltskin barges in with all the subtlety of an elephant. “It’s a girl!” The royals were surprised, to say the least, to see the man in the castle at all, they had not seen him since their disastrous introduction to Regina. They had hoped that their interactions with the counselor would be limited.

“What are you talking about?” The royals ask in unison, they had been enjoying a peaceful breakfast thus far.

“Some congratulations are in order, our queen is with child,” his hands flourish as he bows, the gesture is showy, and he only does it to try and put the royals at ease. It does not work. The nobles seated with them visibly soften, however.

“Why did you feel the need to tell us this in person?” Snow takes a sip of her morning tea. They had been ruling for nearly four years, the kingdom was at peace and the nobles appeased, they had used Regina often to settle any larger issues that arose in the kingdom. Initially, they had used her sparingly, but it was just so easy to have Regina take care of everything.

“Your child will be very important to the future of this kingdom, I can feel it,” Rumple takes the seat of a noble that had hurried out of the room as soon as he saw Rumpelstiltskin.

“Can you see the future?”

“I don’t know the future, I can see glimpses of what may happen,” he helps himself to a large helping of eggs and pork, “this I’m sure of, your daughter will grow happy and healthy and bring an end to the kingdom as you know it.”

“What do you mean?” Snow stands up abruptly, her hand going to her stomach unconsciously, “Will our child be okay?”

“You did hear the ‘happy and healthy’ part, didn’t you? I thought you people were inbred, not daft, choosing to keep your child could mean the end of your kingdom, choosing to get rid of her will be much to the same effect, I won’t meddle in your affairs much more than I have, the decision is yours.” He smiles as if he has given them something useful, the information only confused them further. Every time that they had seen him he offered the same choices. Do nothing or do something, whatever they actually chose to do made no difference. She decides then and there that she wants this child more than anything. Infertility ran in her family, it was extremely rare for any of their rulers to have more than one child. She may not get another chance to be a mother.

A quick visit to the royal physician confirms Rumple’s prediction. Snow is about seven weeks along, the physician says it's far too early to tell the sex of the baby, but they already know that the prediction will ring true.

The nobles call a meeting soon after the visit to the physician, they want her to terminate the pregnancy. Doing such a thing is not unheard of, any hedge witch with the proper ingredients could brew a potion to fix the problem. Snow and David refuse outright. Their court members can’t force her to do anything, they can raise all the hell they want but it gets them nowhere. Such was the balance of power between the council and the royals. Snow and David know that they will end up paying for their insolence one way or another, but they can’t find it in themselves to care.

Princess Emma of Swans is born after much contention from the noble families. She comes into the world approximately seven months after Rumpelstiltskin's initial announcement. She comes into the world with a fuzz of blonde hair, screaming bloody murder, with eyes that will soon turn the most amazing green color. Snow and David are captivated from the very start.

-

Emma grows up heavily surrounded by guards. The nobles make several attempts on her life before she’s even out of the cradle. Her parents banish them and install newer nobles, but the cycle still continues until the whole court is made of members that were not around for Rumpelstiltskin’s announcement. Emma’s not entirely sure what the declaration was, but her parents are quite tight-lipped about the matter. She’s rarely out of the castle grounds, and when they do allow her out of the large gates she’s always with nearly a platoon of soldiers.

She grows up almost utterly alone. The closest person to her age is her aunt Ruby and she’s nearly ten summers older than her. Ruby often watched her when she wasn’t being bored to death by her tutors or ignored by her parents. When she was younger and easier to handle Ruby could entertain her for hours with stories and puzzles, now such things only served as a reminder of how trapped she really was.

“Aunt Ruby, can you take me outside? I’m so bored,” Ruby was really more of her mother’s friend than hers, but Emma would take whatever she could get. Even with her failings as an entertainer, Ruby was far more interesting than her tutors anyways.

“You know I’m not supposed to let you outside without a guard Emma.”

“Why?” Emma bangs her head on her desk dramatically. None of the adults in her life had ever let her do anything fun, all she got to do was be stuck in the walls of the castle.

“Your parents just want you to be safe, that’s why they’re so overprotective.”

“Then why don’t they come to see me more often then?” Her parents were often busy with their royal duties, seeing either of them was a rare treat. Emma often felt as if she were being raised by tutors and nannies and Ruby rather than her own parents.

“Running a kingdom is difficult Emma, it takes a lot of people and a lot of time,” Ruby knew of the strain that running the kingdom had put on the rulers. It would be harder to explain that to a child though. The first few years of Emma’s life had been tumultuous but manageable, the years that followed had grown more and more trying.

“Then why can’t we call up a guard and then go outside?”

“Emma the kingdom is in a state of unrest, it would be unwise to leave with only one guard, we may be able to go for a quick stroll outside if we could gather a few more,” Ruby knew that Snow wouldn’t allow her daughter out of the castle without a full platoon. Overprotective or not Emma was always in danger, whether she knew it or not.

“Why is it in a state of unrest?” Emma was always curious about the goings on of the kingdom. Not that anyone would tell her what was going on. All of her tutors loved to focus on the history of the kingdom but none of them were willing to tell her of what was happening right now.

“The White Kingdom is at war with some other kingdoms and it’s not going well,” it was the simplest version of current events that Ruby was allowed to give the princess. The royals did not want their offspring to know too much or too little of the status of the kingdom. Ruby could not make heads or tails of it, but, it was a direct order from the queen so she followed it.

“Are we winning?” Emma tries desperately to not let her enthusiasm show, lest the faucet of information be turned off prematurely.

“There are no winners in war Emma, but our kingdom is doing quite well for the moment, hopefully, the skirmish will be over soon and it will be safe enough for us to go outside again.” She smiles brightly at the younger girl, who does not reciprocate instead staring intensely out the window. They were winning, the White Kingdom had never lost a battle since the Hundred Year War of yesteryear, but it was taking a lot longer to negotiate a surrender. The other side simply did not want to accept defeat. That was what she had heard at least.

“Where is the war taking place?”

“On our eastern territories border, we were doing some military exercises that escalated into a battle that escalated into a war,” that version wasn’t even close to the actual events. But, the real version was complicated and preceded by years and years of unrest and questionable politics.

“Do most skirmishes turn into wars? Or do they turn into battles and then wars?” Emma was past the point of pretending to not be interested, she wanted to know it all. Everyone always told her that she was too curious for her own good. No one would ever tell her the whole story, it was no wonder she was curious.

“It really depends, Emma, there are a lot of different factors involved in a war,” Ruby is interrupted by her self-defense instructor entering the chamber to inform Emma of the coming lesson. Both adults leave the room to allow Emma to change.

Her self-defense lessons were one of the few things that Emma enjoyed about her schoolings. Her parents wanted her to know how to defend herself against attackers, why Emma was not sure. It wasn’t let she left the castle often enough to make enemies. Her parents had all sorts of policies that she and everyone else had to follow. Emma didn’t understand any of them in the least, although many of the other adults didn’t seem to get it either, which she took some comfort in.

They were practicing with swords that day, her favorite. She never had the same aptitude for archery as her mother but she could use a sword like nobody else. Sir Geoffrey, her instructor, is a retired knight with a shock of graying red hair and a matching mustache. He’s older and slower, easily outpaced by Emma’s speed and youth, he relied on his superior techniques and experience to beat her every time. Emma would be frustrated if it wasn’t so fun. Every time she was knocked down it was easy to get back up because she could feel that she was learning. Every loss had a reason behind it and every reason could be rectified. This made much more sense than anything she had ever learned in her traditional lessons.

Sword fighting allowed Emma some time alone with her thoughts, it was much easier for her to think clearly when she was doing it. As sparks flew amidst the clashing of swords Emma thinks that adults are just as foolish as children. Why shouldn’t she be allowed outside? What right did her mother have to make decisions that affected her when she couldn’t be bothered to see her? Going outside was her right, nobody could stop her. Emma begins to plan.

-

Emma’s first excursion outside of the castle without supervision takes a lot of planning. In between her lessons she studies the patterns of guard rotation, which carriages are checked most thoroughly when leaving and entering the castle, and how long it takes her caretaker to start looking for her under different excuses.

The day she actually executes the plan is an average day, she doesn’t pick the day for any real reason, she just wakes up and decides that today is a good day. She hides in the laundry being sent out of the castle to be cleaned. She only intends to stay out for a couple hours at the most. But she gets caught up in the freedom of it all and by the time she makes a move to go home, the sun has long set and she’s hopelessly lost.

She’s nearly twelve, far too old to start crying in public and far too nervous to consider asking strangers for directions. She could see the castle in the distance but couldn’t seem to find a pathway to it. She runs into the same shopkeeper four times before they think to ask her if she’s lost.

“Yes I’m sorry, could you direct me to the castle?” Emma has never really talked to a stranger, but the woman seems nice enough.

“Why’re you headed to the castle?” The bluntness of the question makes her lack of teeth rather apparent.

Emma stammers for a bit before speaking “I just got a job there, I’m supposed to start tonight but I got a little lost,” she tries to seem sheepish and innocent, which she is, but she needs the other woman to think that.

The shopkeeper chews something for a bit then says, “I think you’ll be late unless you hurry, take this street until it ends then take a right down it and you should hit one of the castle entrances.”

Emma could almost hug her at that moment, she thanks the woman profusely and runs off. She arrives at home just in time for her history tutor to reprimand her for lazing about the library all day. She pays him no heed and asks him to have the kitchen send her dinner to her room. After scarfing her dinner down in record time she climbs into bed still brimming with excitement from the day. She replays the day's events over and over again in her head to try and keep the day's events fresh in her mind. And for a second Emma wishes that she had a friend to tell all of this to.

Emma continues her little excursions without the knowledge of any of her tutors or Ruby. She continues on with her lessons as if nothing were different. She learns to finish her studies by candlelight and pinch apples from the market when she’s hungry. She learns the name of the woman who helped her is named Ethel, Emma sneaks her a few gold pieces the next time she remembers to bring money.

Every time she gets outside the castle walls she sees something new learns something new. She’s been escaping on her little sojourns for nearly two years and thinks that she has it down. Her guardians and tutors are none the wiser, not that they are overly concerned with her well being. They only worry if she falls behind in her studies. Her parents visit her when they can, which is not often, Emma sees her parents on special occasions. Her birthday and before balls that she’s still too young to attend are often the catalysts for their meetings. When she was a kid all of the adults said that she would understand when she was older, she was older and still didn’t understand.

The people of the kingdom are happy and helpful. They help her when she asks for it and seem happy enough to go about their daily lives even with the threat of war on the horizon. Many of the people in the kingdom know of the war, but not of who is in the army, or even who they are fighting against.

Like many things, Emma feels like she’s missing something.

She’s so caught up in her ramblings that she doesn’t notice the men in black that have been following her for the past twenty minutes. She doesn’t notice them creeping steadily closer until it’s too late.

-

Regina feels the familiar pull of her heart and transports herself to the royal apartments. She finds the King and Queen still in their nightclothes, the queen clutching her wrist and the king frantically pacing the princess’ room.

“What are your orders for me?” Regina asks as more of a formality, from the situation she can already guess what her orders will be.

“Our daughter has gone missing, we need you to find her,”

“When did you last see her?”

“We don’t see our daughter daily, but her history tutor last saw her right after lunchtime,” Snow replies quickly, it was the truth but the sentence sounded somehow wrong coming out of her mouth. They didn’t see there own daughter on a daily basis.

Regina closes her eyes for a moment to try and see if she can sense the girl’s presence anywhere in the castle, “Your daughter hasn’t been in the castle for some time, otherwise I’d be able to sense some kind of energy from her, I’ll need a lock of hair from both of you to track her further.” The royals scramble to rip their hair out in the hopes of finding their daughter. Regina takes the hairs carefully adding her magic to the hairs, they twist around each other and disintegrate with the amount of magic forced into them. Regina can feel the location of the princess in her bones.

She is gone in a plume of purple smoke and the royals are left more confused and more worried in her wake.

-

She finds the kidnappers easily. Even with the hours of a head start their horses are no match for Regina’s magic.

She hasn’t been ordered to kill them so she binds and gags them and sends them back to the castle. Even though she knows that she is only delaying their execution. Every White Kingdom ruler had been bloodthirsty, that would be nothing compared to a mother separated from her child.

The princess is older than she thought she would be. Closer to her coming out ball than beginning her etiquette lessons. The girl was still fast asleep, her blonde tresses moving ever so slightly with every breath she took. Regina didn’t want the girl to wake during transport so she heals the wound on the girl’s head and waits for her to wake up.

“Are you an angel?” Emma opens her eyes slowly to find herself laying half across an unfamiliar woman’s lap. She was fourteen, far too old to sit on anyone’s lap, she flushes at the realization and scrambles off of the older woman’s lap.

“Nothing like that I’m afraid,” Regina feels her lips quirk up into a smirk in spite of her herself.

“Who are you then?”

“I’m nobody important dear princess,” Regina stands slowly holding out her hand for the princess to take. The girl just stares at her instead of taking her hand. Regina thinks that the emotion on her face would best be described as wonder.

“That’s no true, everybody in the kingdom is important,” Emma stands to face her with as much eye contact possible given her current height.

“Dear princess, I don’t think that that is any of your concern,” Regina plasters a smile on her face after she says it to try and calm the princess of her nerves. It’s fake, but enough people don’t notice that she keeps using it. The young princess frowns at the gesture and Regina lets the smile fall from her face.

“It is of my concern, anything that goes on in the kingdom is my concern,” Emma is indignant in her statement, it is what she believes in more than anything. In spite of everything, this kingdom was her home, nothing would change that. Not her family’s reluctance to tell her anything, or the kingdom’s own ignorance of its own affairs. This was her home, she would choose it over anything in the world.

Regina doesn't have anything to say to that, so she reaches out her hand anyways and the princess takes it. The girl is apprehensive but takes it all the same. They disappear in a plume of smoke.

They reappear in the throne room of the palace. The king and queen rush to her as the smoke clears but stop short as they see the woman she appears with. Regina backs away and the royals are willing to approach their own child.

Emma runs into her parents embrace. They don’t hug often but Emma had always felt secure in their embrace. They fuss over her endlessly, stroking and smoothing her hair as if there was anything wrong with it. Emma knows that her hair is fine, her parents are just relieved to have her home. After being knocked out she couldn’t remember a thing. The last thing that she remembers is embarrassing herself in front of a stranger. She felt her forehead for a second to feel where the bruise should be, it’s long since gone.

Emma can’t forget the woman who saved her. She wants to thank her for saving her. Or something. Emma knows that she’s no good at apologies, but, she wants to anyways.

In the meantime, she’s wrapped in her parents embrace. Strangled by their current affections while being ignored by their daily lives, Emma thinks that it would be poetic if it weren’t so sad.

When she turns back the woman is gone. The throne is empty aside from the usual guards and busybodies. She wonders about her long after she has been sent to bed and long after she wakes up.

-

Emma searches high and low for her savior. She checks every hidden passage she knows of in the castle, even discovering new ones in the process. When she runs out of hiding places that she would think of she turns to asking anyone who would listen to her. Her tutors either flat out ignore her or feign ignorance. She asks Ruby to a similar result.

“Do you know who she is?” She knows that someone in the castle must know something, Ruby is someone, she must know something about the mystery woman. She knows that it’s flawed logic but she’s working with nothing here.

“No Emma, and I’m not even sure she exists,” Ruby averts her gaze and Emma doubts that her godmother is telling her even a fraction of the truth.

“She exists! I’ve seen her! You just don’t want to tell me.” Ruby almost has the decency to look sheepish and Emma thinks that that’s the most of an answer she’s going to get out of her. Emma decides to go further over her head.

After her last excursion outside the castle allowed her to be kidnapped Emma is kept under even more intense scrutiny, from her security team to her revolving door of tutors. She can’t so much as use the bathroom without having someone wait outside the door and another watch the window in anticipation.

After the reunion, Emma had tried to run off and find the mystery woman who saved her, but, her parents held her back.

“Emma, do you know how worried we were? We had no idea where you were, we thought that you were dead or worse!”

Emma doesn’t know what would be worse than death but her mother’s comment makes her curious. She knows that she should be insulted or angry at her mother’s comments but her curiosity wins out.

There was no way that she wasn’t living in the castle, Emma decides. Everyone who was even the least bit important lived in the castle. The snobby council member’s families lived in the posh eastern apartments, the guards and armies lived in the barracks, she and her tutors lived in their own set of apartments in the royal section. Her parents would never trust someone from outside the castle grounds to retrieve her.

“Who was the woman who saved me?” She decides that the direct approach was best, her mother was difficult to track down on a good day, finding her on the day of a council meeting was near impossible but Emma was on a mission.

“Emma, I know that you know the council meeting is today, you know on council days your father and I are exceedingly busy,”

“Mother, it’s a simple question, just give me her name and I’ll leave you alone,” Emma channels the etiquette lessons that she had been forced into in her younger years. Her mother would never listen to her if she were being irrational, being calm and collected was her only option.

“Emma, I have no idea who you are talking about,” her mother was fairly good at playing coy, but a terrible liar. Emma could tell that she was lying, she knows something but, wasn’t telling her for some reason.

“Mom, please,” Emma rarely saw her mother, they were hardly close enough for the familiarity of mom. Calling her mom was a low blow, but an effective one. Emma mentally congratulates herself for the stricken look that graces her mother’s face for a handful of seconds, it’s dark and she can almost feel bad for her mother for a moment. It was hard to stop her when she was properly motivated.

“Emma, there are some things that I just can’t tell you right now, when you’re older maybe,” her mother meets her eyes and offers her the same smile that is condescending but comforting. Maybe that’s how parents just are, Emma wonders. They love you but maybe they don’t understand you.

Emma goes to see her father next. She saw him just as much as she saw her mother, but he was much more likely to indulge in her questions than her mother. He gives her a similar, unsatisfying answer. She gets him to practice sword fighting with her though that’s a plus.

Ruby’s Granny, who insisted that everyone in the castle called her as such, tuned out to have Emma’s answer. She didn’t know so much about who the woman was or what she did, but she knew that she lived in the dungeons and kept to herself.

“Do you know anything more?” Emma liked Granny, she didn’t do bullshit like everyone else did. She was open and honest even when the answer wasn’t pretty. Emma still cringes when she thought to ask the old bat about where babies came from. It had happened almost seven years ago and the memory was still too fresh in her mind.

“Sorry child, that’s all I know,” Granny was entertaining her conversation while chopping carrots. Emma hoped that that meant there would be stew tonight.

“How would I get to the dungeons?”

“You shouldn’t wander down there child, it’s not safe.”

“Nowhere is safe, not really at least.”

“True child but, the dungeons are especially worrisome,” Granny pauses for a second, switching from carrots to onions, thinking, then continuing, “I know my warnings are useless to you, you’re too much like your mother, too driven, and far too stubborn to listen to others when you think you’re right,” she laughs at the thought, the princess’ distaste for her mother was well known throughout the castle, Emma doesn’t share her mirth. “There’s nothing good down there and no good will come from looking into it.”

-

Emma finds the room eventually. It takes her long enough to find the dungeons themselves and to get a way into them without being caught. It was separate from the part of the dungeon where prisoners were kept, like something of a private room. She takes a deep breath and knocks.

Regina was unfamiliar with the knocking sound at her door. People didn’t visit her, she visited them.

“Why are you here?” The princess doesn’t answer, instead inviting herself inside. She takes a seat in the understuffed armchair that Regina keeps by the door.

“You’re a hard person to track down, you do know that right?” the princess smiles cheekily at her own attempt at humor before continuing, “I wanted to thank you.” The words should have been said months ago, but she’s saying them now.

“For what dear princess?”

“For saving me, for bringing me back home, all of it.”

“They were my orders, I didn’t choose to do it.”

“Well thank you anyways.”

Regina feels her mouth quirk into a smile and Emma is dazzled.

Emma gets up from the chair to leave before she does she turns back and asks “What’s your name?”

“Regina.”

Emma smiles at that and leaves.

—

Emma decides that she wants to be Regina’s friend. Or something like that. She visits the woman often. At first, she just wanted to thank the woman, then she went back because she was curious, or so she told herself. After that, she went back because she wanted to. She bothers Regina with all sorts of annoying questions and she acts irritated but Emma thinks that she likes having the company. Not that Emma can tell, Regina keeps the same neutral expression on her face for the vast majority of Emma’s visits, the stone facade only cracking once or twice.

Her parents discovered that she’s visiting Regina a few months after the fact. After the kidnapping, they are closer. They even manage to have family dinners together every other week. She finds that she likes having parents. They are less than pleased, to say the least at this latest development.

“Emma, Regina is dangerous,” her mother broaches the topic over one of their family dinners.

“You say everything is dangerous, how’s Regina any different?” Emma pays her mother’s warning no heed, taking a large bite of her chimera to avoid having to say anything more on the subject.

“Regina is a soldier that works for the kingdom, she carries out missions in secret for the good of the kingdom, there’s no one in the kingdom more dangerous,” Emma’s lie detector pings a little at her mother’s speech but she can’t bring herself to call her on it. Not enough proof.

“Regina is my friend, you can’t keep me from her.”

“Emma, please listen to your mother, I’ve seen the devastation that Regina can create,” a look crosses her father’s face that tells her he is truly terrified of Regina.

“She’s heartless Emma, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” She can’t tell if her mother is being literal or not, it’s a rather bold statement coming from a woman who talks to birds.

She loves her parents but there was no way she was letting them run her life. Or take away the first real friend.

Emma pushes her plate away, standing up abruptly, “I’m going to bed, you can comment all you want on my friends but I’m not going to stop seeing her.”

 —

“What did my parents mean when they said that you don’t have a heart?” Emma visits her often, Regina is sure that the girl’s parents are less than pleased, but the girl is almost sixteen, far too old to listen to her parents’ warnings with any sense of apprehension.

“They meant the literal definition I’m afraid,” Regina wonders what would be appropriate to say to a mere child on the subject. “My heart lies elsewhere, it no longer belongs to me” she added to try to and clarify but only managed to further confuse the princess. Deciding that hands-on learning was the best approach for this Regina grabbed Emma’s wrist. The somewhat older but still quite young princess made no move to remove herself from the woman’s grasp.

“Do you feel the beating right here,” Regina asked as she placed Emma’s hand over her heart.

“Yes, that’s my heartbeat,” Emma replied, mentally rolling her eyes at the simplicity of the gesture.

“Now feel this,” Regina continued as she moved Emma’s palm to her own chest. The girl fought the instinct to recoil when she felt nothing beneath Regina’s chest. Emma looked at her savior with an odd mixture of sadness and understanding.

“Do you feel anything?” Emma asked, not knowing if she wanted to hear the answer.

“I do, but it’s all dull,” She watched the girl cock her head “My emotions are muted, everything that I feel feels like it’s happening to someone else, it’s unconnected to me; I feel, but I no longer understand what it means.”

After a moment she begins, “It’s barbaric, you’re still human, how can they justify this?” Emma paces furiously, desperately trying to ground herself, when that doesn’t work she starts pulling books off the shelf in her rage. When she runs out of books Emma flops down on the bed face-first. It’s much harder than she expected so she lets out a short groan of protest.

“You sweet summer child,” even if she doesn’t mean to, Regina sounds patronizing in this epithet. She strokes Emma’s curls as she says it, trying to offer a modicum of comfort to the other girl, “I haven’t been human in hundreds of years, it doesn’t matter.”

Emma peels her face from the bed and just stares on with an unmistakable fire in her eyes.

“You’re a human being, of course, you matter,” Emma says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Like all the blood that she had shed hadn’t destroyed whatever used to be in her soul. Like the wars, she had waged in the name of this kingdom hadn’t destroyed so many lives.

Regina wishes she could feel enough to cry. All that manages to leave her eye is a lone tear that falls sluggishly down her face. Emma reaches up from her position and wipes it away. Another managed to escape her eye at the gesture.

-

“When is your birthday?” Emma asks only because her birthday was next month. She expected some resistance from her parents in allowing Regina to attend but planned on inviting her anyways.

“What brought this question on?” Regina looks up from her book for only a second before returning to the tome.

“My birthday is next month, and all the time I’ve known you you’ve never celebrated a birthday,” she had not known Regina long, but it felt as if they had known each other forever. Regina had known her forever at least.

“It’s sometime in winter,” Regina stops to think for a moment, desperately trying to remember, more for Emma’s sake than her own, “closer to autumn than spring.”

“Do you not actually know your birthday?”

“I haven't the foggiest idea,” Regina says in earnest. Emma’s face falls at the realization that she was correct.

“How old are you?” Emma says, trying to lighten the mood, but as soon as the words leave her mouth she regrets them.

“I’m not entirely sure, I’ve lost count, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a reason to celebrate a birthday,” Regina almost feels sad at the admission, which scares her more than anything. There was no point in celebrating something that only serves as a testament to my own suffering, she thought to herself, not wanting to burden Emma with her true feelings.

“Then we will have to celebrate your birthday sometime,” Emma was already planning what she could do for the other woman.

The princess was kind in ways that Regina hoped would never fade.

“Why do you keep visiting me?” There isn’t curiosity in her voice but there should be. She always enjoyed the time that she spent with the young princess, but she never really understood why

“Because you’re my friend, and I like talking to you.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes, that’s it,” Emma smiles and Regina feels the cavity in her chest clench.

-

Snow and David knew of their daughter’s fondness for their human weapon. It was strange and disturbing and scared them quite a bit.

Smitten was the word that Granny had used. It was the word that sends them into a tizzy. Snow already knew it to be true as the words left the old wolf’s mouth. She and her daughter were not terribly close, but she knew that look. It was the same one that she had when she looked at David. Regina wasn’t even human and yet she had stolen their daughter’s heart.

Would Emma be able to rule and protect the kingdom if it was at the cost of Regina’s free will? In their early days as rulers they themselves had thought about the ethics of using Regina’s heart—they eventually decided that it was a necessary evil, one that they were more than willing to live with.

The war would never have been won without her. Their kingdom would not exist if not for her.

“What should we do about this situation? It’s gone too far, we should have stopped it ages ago.” Snow paced back and forth in their bedchambers. This was not the first time they had discussed this and would likely not be the last. They could argue till they were blue in the face but nothing would come of it without some fundamental change in Emma’s and Regina’s relationship. Snow couldn’t see that happening the two were thick as thieves. She had even seen Regina crack a smile when around her daughter.

“How could we have stopped it? Emma is the perfect storm of stubborn and loyal, she would never accept any decision we made with Regina,” they had tried once, Emma wouldn’t even hear them out. She stormed out of the room and refused to talk to them for almost a month.

“We could have done something, we should have done something by now,” Snow sits down next to her husband on their bed, he rubs her shoulders in comfort. They could have done something by now, but it would have meant destroying whatever relationship they could have had with their daughter.

All of this with Regina was a phase, Emma would soon grow out of it. She was reaching the age of her coming out ball, she would meet a nice young man and forget all of this nonsense.

That was what they told themselves at least.

-

Regina had been gone for over a month. Her parents had sent Regina on a ‘diplomatic mission’. Which by now Emma knows means something to do with the war. Despite Ruby’s speculation, the war did not end in amnesty. If anything it had escalated to the point where they were sending real troops in addition to Regina. Originally the war had just been the border but it had spread further and further into the kingdom. They were raising more and more armies with every passing week. Emma trained with the troops daily, she knew that her parents would never allow her to go with the army but it was a good way to hone her skills and keep her mind off of Regina’s absence.

Regina returned later that week. She reeks of the road, and her short hair was bloodied and matted with dirt.

Emma had offered her private bath so that Regina could wash the stink of the road off of her body after her most recent long journey. Regina accepted quickly, wanting to be done with the smell.

Regina strips out of her riding clothes quickly, having long since given up any vestiges of modesty. Emma is still in the room with her and has to avert her eyes, blushing furiously. She takes a quick peek to make sure that Regina had everything she needed when she catches a glance of the other woman’s back.

Emma could only stare at the sheer multitude of scars that adorned Regina’s back. “I thought that you could heal yourself?” She manages to stammer out. Her hands feel entirely too numb, so she rubs them together compulsively. She had not expected this.

“I can, but not without my magic,” “They blocked my magic with a cuff to make sure that I suffered,” Regina is as monotone as ever as if the injustice had never existed.

“When was that?”

“It was a long time ago, back when I met Daniel, it was my punishment for disobeying the crown.”

“Who’s Daniel?” Emma would have remembered if Regina had ever mentioned someone by name. If she had ever mentioned anyone by name.

“He’s from a long-time age,”

“Would you tell me about him?”

“Would you leave me alone if I didn’t tell you?”

Emma would respect whatever Regina chose to tell her, but she wanted to know more than anything, “No, I wouldn’t, I would bother you until the end of time.”

“You wouldn’t live till the end of time,” Regina smirks, not sure if the gesture is sincere or not, but hoping that Emma knows what she means.

“Touché,” Emma smirks right back, “But, I still want to know, whatever you’re ready to tell me, I want to hear it.”

Regina doesn’t know if she’s really ready, but she pushes forward anyway, “A long time ago I ran away, I didn’t think that I would make it far, but I did,” Regina remembers running away, she can’t recall which Leopold had been the King at the time, the fourth or maybe the fifth, she didn’t think that her curse would let her get very far but she made it out of the regions of the White Kingdom before anyone even realized that she was gone. “I traveled for weeks on foot without resting, and I eventually collapsed, when I woke a family had taken me in and cared for me while I was unconscious.”

_Regina opens her eyes to see the low ceiling of a thatched roof. She lifts her arm to try and wipe the exhaustion from her eyes. “Where am I?” She asks the ceiling, hoping someone else is in the room._

_“You’re safe,” she had never seen eyes so beautiful, so kind. It’s a boy, maybe a man, he sat at her bedside, peeling an apple with a hunting knife. “Don’t worry.” It doesn’t make her feel any better, but she feels something. And that must count._

_“What happened?”_

_“I found you passed out in the forest a couple of miles away from my family’s farm and brought you back here, you’ve been out for a couple days, we were beginning to get worried,” his eyes soften, and Regina feels the cavity in her chest clench. Her hands go up to her chest in surprise, trying to feel for something that isn’t there, she must stay like that for a while because the boy asks her in alarm, “Miss are you okay?” He reaches out and covers her hands with his own._

_Regina takes a deep breath then replies, “I’m fine, I haven’t felt like myself in a while.”_

_“Get some rest, I’ll wake you when we have dinner,” he gives her hands a reassuring squeeze, blushes and quickly leaves the room. “My name is Daniel, just so you know,” Regina thinks she feels her heart move. She falls back into the inky blackness and sleeps peacefully for the first time in forever. When Daniel wakes her, she meets the rest of Daniel’s family and eats her first home cooked meal in over a century. It’s plain, and nothing like she remembers her father_ making _, but delicious all the same._

_She decides to stay and sleeps in the barn as to not burden the family more than she already has. The mother and father take her in as if she is their own, they don’t treat her like their child, but it doesn’t really matter._

_Daniel’s little sister Nina looks up to her like she’s something worth looking up to. Regina braids her hair every morning and lets the little girl do the same for her long locks. She teaches her how to braid hair every which way and how to care for the horses._

_“Regina I wanna be just like you when I grow up,” Nina says one day while Regina is braiding her hair and helping the girl get ready for the day._

_“I hope you don’t end up like me Nina, there are few fates worse,” Regina hopes that Nina will grow up happy and healthy._

_“But you’re the best at taking care of the horses, and you’re so beautiful, why wouldn’t I want to be like you?”_

_“Because I’m nothing worth being like,” She realizes_ afterward _that it’s something far too harsh to ever say to a child, but centuries of feeling nothing at all, not even the echo of whatever emotions used to feel like, she had lost much of the decorum that her mother had worked so hard to beat into her. Despite the little girl’s horrified look, she thinks it's for the best._

_Later, when Nina has long forgotten what Regina had said, Regina lets Nina cut her hair. Convincing her to do that instead of cutting off her own braids was no easy task. But the girl relents and Regina lets her take her own long hair in her tiny palms and shear off large chunks of her hair. The cut is surprisingly straight and Regina finds that she likes it. Nina’s parents are horrified, but Daniel says it suits her._

_She likes her short hair, it’s the first time she’s looked like herself in years. A fresh new look for a fresh new start._

_Regina fingers her still short locks at the thought. Her hair had never grown back, although she can’t say that she misses it._

_Somehow, she remembers things from a lifetime ago, she wants, she needs to be useful to these people who care for her._ Otherwise _, there was no point in her staying. The horses don’t treat her any different than they did all those years ago. She thinks that maybe they don’t realize what she’s become._

_Daniel likes to spend time with her, it’s a foreign concept to her on all fronts. She guesses that he’s about her physical age, and very lonely growing up on a secluded farm that is miles away from any neighbor and even further away from a town where he could meet anyone his own age. Most of the family accepts that she would rather not speak of who she is and where she comes from. Daniel likes to ask questions, even when he knows that she will not answer._

_“Where did you come from?”_

_“Someplace far away.”_

_“_ Will _you ever go back?”_

_“If I can avoid it, I will,” she displays a rare show of emotion in the reply. Going back would mean that there would be hell to pay and she doubted that anyone would choose to help her with the payment._

_“Surely you must have something for you back there, why else would you be running?”_

_“There is nothing there for me, I ran because I wanted to, and thought that it was time that I did something for myself,” she’s not sure if the ability to be selfish is connected to the heart, but she feels something tugging where her heart should be and that was enough to compel her to act. She woke one morning and decided to run and that was it._

“How long did you stay with them?”

“Quite a while, nine months, maybe a year, maybe two, time means less and less when you keep living past your natural span,” Emma lets out a little chortle, unable to tell if Regina is trying to be funny or not.

“What made you go back?”

“They noticed my disappearance, I was hardly necessary for day to day errands but when they needed my services they noticed my absence immediately, the King sent out scouts all over the kingdom and turned up nothing, but he refused to give up and sent more scouts to neighboring kingdoms, he knew that this would be seen as an act of war, but did it anyway, they scoured the lands and eventually their threats made its way to Daniel’s family’s farm,” Regina grimaces at the memory.

_“It’s you, isn’t it? The one they’re looking for.” He doesn’t accuse her of anything, he simply asks. He asks her after dinner, following her back out to the barn, she goes to dinner out of politeness, she stopped eating the family’s food a week into her stay, they didn’t have enough supplies to feed themselves and her. The parents knew better than to ask how she survived without food, she suspected they knew she wasn’t human. During the long winter, when the family was on the verge of starvation, she wandered out in the middle of a blizzard, not saying anything about where she was going or what she was doing. She remembers Nina in her starved state begging her to stay, she remembers not replying, simply tucking the girl back into bed and leaving. She comes back, days later, dragging a dead deer into the house. She cooks it and distributes the meat to the family. It was enough for the family to survive till spring arrived._

_“Yes,” there’s no point in lying now._

_“Why do they want you back so much?”_

_“I belong to them, the longer I stay here the more your family will be punished for harboring stolen property,” she wanted more than anything to keep this family safe, she had caused too much damage already._

_“No human should have to belong to another!” His indignance almost touches her._

_“They shouldn’t, but I do, and I have to go back.”_

_“Regina, please don’t leave, stay, we can fight this, please don’t give up,” he surges forward and kisses her. She lets him kiss her, even kisses him back, she tries to memorize the feeling of someone loving her unconditionally, wishing she could bottle it and keep it with her always, wishing she could reciprocate._

_She breaks the kiss and places her hands on either side of his temple, she takes a moment to stare at his eyes one last time, she says a short incantation under her breath and he falls asleep. She lays him down in one of the empty horse stalls and walks out of their lives._

_The walk back to the White Kingdom is long and arduous. When she arrives, she wishes for nothing more but to be back at the farm, but that time is long gone._

“Did you love him?” The way Regina talked about Daniel almost sounded like they had been lovers. But from what Regina had told her they had never been much of anything.

“I don’t think I was or am capable of love, but I cared for him more than anything else in the world at that time, and maybe that's the closest thing I can feel to love,” Regina is sure that her father had been the only one to love her back when she still had her heart, and that his love was a terrible baseline to have, “He and his family were the first ones in years to show me compassion, and I would not betray them, so I turned myself in and had to face the consequences of my actions.”

“Would blocking your magic with the cuff be enough to make you human again?”

“No, even back then my magic was eventually able to destroy the cuff, I wasn’t human during that time, I just could get hurt, that’s hardly humanity,” and maybe she’s trying to spare Emma future heartache, or maybe she’s trying to hurt her enough that she’ll stop caring, “it’s too late for me to be human again, I haven't my heart in hundreds of years, even if it were returned it would not be enough to make me human again,” Regina knew what Emma would do, she would fight her parents and destroy her credibility with the noble families, making her unfit to rule in the future. She refuses to destroy Emma’s future.

Emma knew about the scars on her back, they were as plain as day in the dirty bathwater. She had long since given up any prudish thoughts, however Emma still blushed and tried to avert her eyes as she stood up to leave the bath. Her fingers had long since pruned but she knew that Emma needed to hear the story. She doesn’t tell Emma about the other punishments. She doesn’t say how she had never felt more like an object after it. How even without her heart she had felt entirely too much.

“That’s such … fucking bullshit,” Emma says suddenly, she grabs Regina’s hands and pulls them into her own, “You deserve to be human again, don’t doubt that, ever, I promise that when I am queen you will have your heart back,” Emma’s eyes shine with something that Regina can’t recognize. And for a second Regina can believe that she means it.

-

Queen Eva had gained the favor of the fairies’ years ago, and she was so beloved that that favor carried on to her daughter Snow. Such nepotism would not carry on to Emma. She had already made an enemy of the fairies by considering she antagonized them every chance she got. Snow was frankly exasperated.

Emma, like her mother and grandmother, had been offered a wish on the eve of her eighteenth birthday. Fairy wishes weren’t wishes in the traditional sense of the word. Fairy wishes didn’t always work, fairies worked best with suggestions or desires. Eva had saved hers and wished for a baby, her next pregnancy stuck and Snow was born shortly after. Snow had wished for David to always return safely, thus far this had rung true. Emma had wished for Regina’s heart back.

The fae could not grant such a thing. They did, however, feel the moral obligation to tell the queen about the princess’ transgression.

It unsettled Snow more than anything. She had known of Emma’s infatuation for years now, but never done anything about it, hoping that it would pass with time. It wasn’t going away and by the looks of it would never go away. If Emma was anything like her or her father, once she had made up her mind there was no changing it.

“When were you going to tell me about this?” Emma says soon after the servants deliver their tea. She had invited her daughter for some quality time together, the older her daughter got the more she realized that they had spent very little time together. After Emma’s kidnapping, they had tried to institute family dinners, they saw each other more often and made an attempt at mending their lost bond. They quickly fell by the wayside as the war grew closer. Seeing her own mother had been a rare treat that she had hardly ever been indulged in. She didn’t want to make the same mistakes her parents had made, but by the time that she had truly realized their actions were mistakes her daughter was already almost grown.

“What this are you referring to?” Snow knew that Emma was being intentionally vague, trying to lure her into a trap, her daughter was learning something with her tutors after all. Good, Snow thinks quietly. The noble families hated Emma, she was far too wild and far too inclined towards their human weapon. It would be hard for her to rule with them by her side. If she were shrewd and cunning then she may have a chance.

“All of this,” she gestures around the throne room, “Regina,” the way her daughter says the name is like it’s a prayer and Snow can’t help but cringe at the thought.

“We would have told you about Regina closer to when you were about to take the throne, probably after you had married,” her daughter was old enough to hear this, it was likely that she already knew the extent of Regina’s role in the kingdom. The two talked so often it was unlikely that she didn’t know anything about the true nature of the kingdom. “We didn’t intend for you to meet her so soon, for you two to become so close.”

“You had Regina murder the council members that threatened me, didn’t you?”

“We had no other choice, Emma, it was the only way to keep you safe,”

“Why did you tell me that they were exiled then?”

“Would you tell a child that blood had already been shed in their name? What were we supposed to do?”

“You could tell me the truth when I got older, I never saw you when I was growing up, I still don’t know how to act around you, you act like we’re close when we’re together but we don’t even know each other,” Emma slams her fist on the table and the tea shakes, tiny ripples forming before petering out. “You know it’s wrong, so why do you keep on doing it? Why do you keep using her?”

“There’s a war going on out there Emma, we need Regina to keep the kingdom safe, surely you understand that.”

“Would you choose David over the safety of the kingdom?”

“Emma-”

“No, I love her, I know you don’t understand that but I need you to try, please do that for me.” Now that she has said it out loud it seemed so simple. She loved Regina, even if it was doomed, even if it was wrong. She loved her and that was the beginning and end of everything. She leaves her mother to her own devices and the tea sits in the same place that the servants left it.

-

“Where are you taking me?” A blindfolded Emma asked Regina as she was led to parts unknown. Regina had asked for permission to take the princess away for a week or so, the King and Queen obliged as long as she would be back in time for her birthday ball. They had ridden for over a week and were finally close to their destination.

“Somewhere special,” Regina said not wanting to give anything away. She led the girl, _young woman_ she reminded herself, to a location that “The only thing that you asked of me for your birthday was for me to give you a secret,” she removed Emma’s blindfold “This is the only secret worth giving you.”

Emma’s eyes adjusted to see a magnificent tree. The apple tree was old and knotted but beautiful all the same. Its branches were festooned with hundreds of tiny pink and white blossoms. Emma’s mouth hung open from the sight, eventually shifting to a smile that could outshine the sun. Regina couldn’t help but smile herself when she saw the princess’ face and for a second she could pretend that the empty cavity in her chest was filled with something and that it was beating entirely too fast.

“Happy birthday Emma,” Regina said finally, “This tree belonged to my family ages ago, and I know wish to share it with you.” She remembers with stark clarity planting the sapling as a girl, it had grown only a minuscule amount while she lived with her parents. After years with Rumple and even more within the White Kingdom she had found the remains of the mill where she had grown up. No one had ever come to claim the mill after all its inhabitants had absconded. She was surprised to see the tree still alive, overgrown, disease-ridden, and festooned with rotten apples, but alive--of course much of the same could be said of her. She cast a horticultural preservation spell to keep it alive indefinitely. 

“Thank you,” Emma managed to force out, “This is the most wonderful gift I have ever received,” she continued, remembering her etiquette lessons. Regina smiled at her attempt at being a proper lady. Emma blushed then returned the look. The two stood there for an immeasurable amount of time just smiling at each other, neither fully understood why, but neither made a move to stop.

_Emma had asked Regina several times before when her birthday was, and Regina had never had a real answer for her. During the dead of winter, Emma had brought the other woman a cake and they celebrate together. Regina offered the girl a fleeting, but brilliant smile. If Emma could see that smile again that would be enough._

At some unspecified point, Emma had crossed the imaginary line drawn between the two of them and stood only moments away from the other woman. She reached up to brush the hair away from Regina’s face and cupped her cheek. She searched Regina’s eyes for a sign for her to stop but found none. She captured Regina’s lips with her own in a searing kiss. Emma had kissed other people before, but none like Regina. It was all consuming and frankly a little bit magical. When the kiss finally ended they stood there, again, just smiling at each other.

They did not speak of the kiss on their journey back but the very air that surrounded them felt lighter.

The day that constituted Emma’s eighteenth birthday was spent in an overblown celebration. The entire kingdom celebrated royal birthdays, even if very few of them got to attend the ball. It was a good distraction from the war that loomed on the horizon. She spent her eighteenth birthday in a stuffy dress, being passed back and forth among royals she did not know. Said royals brought unimaginable splendor from their kingdoms, things that no one ever needed but everyone always received. There was dancing and politely declined marriage proposals, and rye that she was finally allowed to drink. Her favorite gift, however, was still Regina’s; no precious metals, jewels, or a fake promise to make her happy could ever come close to that.

During the ball, she had snuck off to see Regina under the pretense of ‘getting some air’.

“You look beautiful Emma,” Regina said breathlessly.

“Thank you, milady, as do you,” Emma replied in mock politeness. Without giving the other woman a chance to respond Emma crossed the threshold and pressed her lips to Regina’s. She notices how wonderful it is to kiss the other woman’s plump lips, she also notices how cold the other woman’s lips are. Regina’s body temperature had always been slightly colder than the average human, but this was something different.

Snow had caught them; Emma was taking far too just to ‘get air’ the King and Queen couldn’t find her anywhere, so they split up. David had the far wings of the castle searched by the guards and checked the courtyards himself. Snow knew where her daughter would be and went straight to the dungeons.

What she found didn’t surprise her. It should, but it doesn’t. She pulls the two apart and drags Emma up to their apartments and commands Regina to stay in the dungeons. David hears of the news and joins them soon after.

“Emma, if you refuse our orders then we will be forced to take drastic measures,” Before David can finish his sentence Emma grabs the hilt of his sword, unsheathes it and puts the blade to his neck.

“If you say another word against her I’ll commit high treason right here and now,” the girl looks so crazed that Snow is afraid she might actually go through with it.

“Emma stop!” Snow shouts, putting her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. The gesture is meant to be comforting but Emma bristles at the contact.

“How would it look if your only heir took the lives of the current royalty, I doubt the council would be so forgiving, but then again I could just start over with a new council like you did.”

“Regina has obviously corrupted you,” it was the only explanation that Snow could think of. Snow hoped to whatever gods were listening that that was true.

“My thoughts are my own, Regina hasn’t corrupted me, but using her has corrupted all of you, haven’t you ever wondered why this kingdom is so fucked up?” Emma lets the sword drop a hair, “Our line is poisoned, the longer we use Regina the more we poison ourselves, we have to stop, we have to stop,” Emma’s nearly crying by the last sentence, but she won’t let the tears fall. Emma’s not sure where all of this is coming from. She had thought all of these things before, but never so coherently. She lets the sword fall to the ground with a loud clang.

“This is the only way, Emma! This is how the White Kingdom has managed to survive so long,” Snow pleads with her daughter, hoping that she would see reason.

“Then maybe it shouldn’t survive, we can’t keep living like this is okay, we’re just causing more and more destruction. I won’t let the kingdom survive like this, we can find another way.” Emma is impassioned, and maybe she is young and naive, but that didn’t matter, this was her future too.

“It’s not up to you Emma.”

“Our own territories want to start a war with us because we used Regina to solve a problem that should have been dealt with diplomacy, or at least on an even playing field.” It’s not eh most eloquent thing to ever come out of her mouth, certainly, her etiquette teacher would be disappointed, but it had to be said.

“If we hadn’t used Regina during the war then this kingdom wouldn’t exist, would you rather that?”

“Yes, I mean no, I mean-” her mother cuts her off before she can continue her rambling.

“Emma, you know nothing of the struggles this kingdom has gone through just to continue to exist.”

“I know enough, I know that using Regina may have created this kingdom, but if we keep using her we’ll drive ourselves into the ground, she was an easy way out to win the war, but we kept using her to exert our dominance on everyone else, we have to start treating the other territories like they’re actually part of the kingdom, we can’t keep treating them like they're second-class citizens,” Emma pauses only long enough to take a breath, “Regina helped create this kingdom hundreds of years ago, and it has never been integrated,” Emma squares her shoulders so that she’s facing both of her parents fully. It wouldn’t be everything that she wanted to say to them by a long shot, but it would have to be enough for now. “This kingdom struggles to exist because it’s at war with itself, we can’t pretend that we’re still different after all these years we’ve spent together.” Emma doesn’t give them time to answer, storming out of the throne room and returning to the ball as if nothing were wrong.

-

“You have new orders for me?” Regina asked coldly. It was rare that the rulers would visit her chambers directly, most of the time they would simply summon her to wherever they needed her. Snow came barging into her chambers early one morning, not even a week had passed since the ball, she was surprised it took Snow so long to confront her.

“Yes, stay away from Emma, she doesn’t need her connection with you to be any more complicated than it will eventually become,” Snow is furious, the vein in her forehead that always bulged was in serious danger of popping. Caring for Regina, _loving her_ , was dangerous in any case, the level that Emma had reached would only cause her more pain in the future.

“I can stay away from her, but that doesn’t mean that she’ll stay away from me,” Emma was one of the few bright spots in her life if Snow ordered it she had no choice in the matter. Although Regina doubted that Emma would adhere to anything her parents said at the moment, not that she had ever been an obedient child.  

Regina thanks whoever may have been listening that Snow didn’t touch the park on her wrist. Without direct orders, she didn’t _have_ to do anything the queen said. Rulers always got more and more obstinate as their reign went on. Usually, by the midpoint of the ruler’s life, they stopped feeling the need to use the mark at all, just assuming that she would follow their orders without it. And this was usually true, but more and more she noticed that she was regaining some of her own independence. Curious.

-

Word that Regina had returned had not spread by word of mouth but by general panic. Her magic was out of control, soldier and servant alike were abandoning their posts to run for cover. Snow and David had expected her back days ago. Regina’s mission was to handle a relatively normal dispute in the eastern territories; it was supposed to be simple and short trip. It had been nearly two weeks and they had heard nothing. By the end of the first week Emma had begun to act like a caged animal; her parents had forbidden her from accompanying Regina, it was too dangerous. Regina, in rare form, had agreed with them.

_“Why can’t I go with you?” Emma said, shocked that Regina refused her request._ _In the past, Regina had allowed the princess to accompany her on various scouting missions, though none of those had been even remotely dangerous._

_“It’s too dangerous, I’m not going to put you in danger if I can help it,” Regina replied seriously._

_“You’d be able to protect me!”_

_“It’s too dangerous Emma! Just drop it!” Regina almost shouted in a rare display of anger. Emma was crestfallen. “I’m sorry Emma, I just need to know that you are safe, and I know that that is definitely not with me.”_

Regina had appeared in the middle of the throne room without warning, the normal plume of smoke that would accompany her was nothing more than thin wisps. Her magic rolled off of her in waves that sent silent shockwaves through the castle, whipping the entirety of the staff into a frenzy. Their personal guards moved in front of them as a protective shield, but even they were terrified of the sight before them. Regina stood bent at the waist, heaving as blood pooled at her feet. Regina’s pained hacking paused for a second “The rebels have their own weapon-” more coughing, more blood “they’ll want blood, not just mine, the kingdom is in grave danger-” Regina made a weak attempt at continuing but was in too much pain. Her control over her magic was lessening by the second; she wouldn’t be able to hold back for much longer.

Emma had been in the stables when she felt Regina’s magic unleash itself. The few guards that had not abandoned their posts after the first wave tried to keep Emma from rushing off to the source of their panic. She roughly shoved them to the side as she sprinted towards where she knew Regina was. Emma threw the throne rooms doors open with a bang that was drowned out by the deafening sound of the magical hurricane. She ran to her parents’ position huddled in the corner.

“I can stop this,” Emma said with sudden confidence, “She knows me better than anyone, I can talk her back from this,” she implored her parents to listen to her for once.

“Emma it’s too dangerous, we can use the heart to stop her!” Snow missed her daughter’s face blanching of all color at the mention of the heart. They had already sent one of their guards for the heart. Their marks weren’t working, they would have to use the heart.

“You are not going to use her heart while I can still help her!” Emma roared back over the deafening noise of the swirling magic.

“We don’t have a choice, Emma! She’s past the point of reason, there’s no helping her! She’s going to hurt people if this continues on much longer!” David said stepping into his King persona.

“She would never hurt me!” Emma said with utter conviction before pushing past her parents towards the woman who held their world on her shoulders. Regina was kneeling in the same spot she had appeared earlier. She wasn’t coughing anymore, she was gazing up at the ceiling as if it were a sky full of stars, unable to see anything. “Regina, please, snap out of it!” Emma slowed as she neared the eye of the storm. There was no response. She pushed her instincts to the back of her mind as she plunged into the eye of the storm towards Regina. Emma gripped her shoulders tightly and shook the other woman roughly, but Regina didn’t have the strength to herself up and fell backward. Emma catches her before she could hit her head, pulling her across her lap.  “Regina, please, stop this before you hurt someone!” She was met with only a glass-eyed stare. Emma moved her hands to cup Regina’s face. “Stay alive, please stay alive,” she begs, hoping that Regina can hear her. She sent a silent prayer to anyone who may be listening, then a vocal one “Please come back to me,” then she pressed her lips against Regina’s.

-

As Regina stared up at the vaulted ceiling, she can’t quite remember why she needed to stay alive. She had craved death for so long and it was finally at her fingertips. She closes her eyes, it would all be over soon. Something wet falls on her face. _Tears_ she realizes as she opens her eyes and sees Emma begging her to _stay alive, please stay alive._  The words don’t reach her ears, but Regina thinks that she knows Emma well enough to tell. She doesn’t think that Emma’s eyes have ever looked so green. She feels Emma press their lips together and tries to savor the feeling. And then she remembers why she has to survive.

-

The hurricane moved in slow motion before deciding to dissolve into a light mist that spread throughout the room. Snow and David take a tentative few steps forward. Their guards stay back, still reeling from what they had just witnessed. From their current vantage point, they could see that Regina lay haphazardly across Emma’s lap. And that their human weapon stared up at their daughter like she hung the stars in the sky, just for her. Emma absentmindedly stroked the other woman’s hair, humming off-key softly.

Snow and David looked on, sure in what they saw, but unsure of what it all meant.

Emma orders the guards that were just shaking in their armor to take a now unconscious Regina upstairs to her chambers, she sounds so much like the queen that she would become.

 

-

The curse that Rumpelstiltskin had put on her heart was on the most powerful of its kind to be cast in this realm, but it was weakening. She could feel it, especially when she used her magic. Using magic used to be as natural as breathing to her, now it took real effort to tap into it. Her fight with the old man had only proven her point; if it weren’t for Emma she would have lost control completely and destroyed the kingdom. The cavity in her chest actively ached whenever she was awake. Regina knew that when the curse finally broke she would die, she had gone to Rumple, and he had only confirmed her suspicions. The curse could not be recast and the only way to stop it would be to get her heart back; which he knew better than anyone she would never be able to do.

“Whatever it is that you feel for the Swan Princess will kill you, there is no stopping it, I have seen every way this ends, and she has always been your undoing,” Rumple spoke to her turned back as she stood in the entryway to his small hovel. He had always known that the princess would be the downfall of his greatest student, but he had never expected that _love_ would be the cause. “Tell me, is she worth it? Your life may have lasted forever if she had not existed.”

“I cannot consider my existence up to this point living,” she said with obvious contempt at the man that caused all of this.

“Would you pay the price for her family’s mistakes? Are you willing to die for their sins?”

“Don’t sound so biblical, it’s unbecoming,” she lets out a genuine laugh at the thought of her former teacher, former _master_ really, reading any kind of biblical text. After all these years he had not changed a bit, he still lived in the same hovel, still glowed the same golden color, and still made the same mistakes. Regina would like to think that she has changed, even if it was only a little bit. “Emma is the only reason my existence has been bearable at all,” Regina elaborated, “And she would be worth it in any lifetime, for any price” Regina added before leaving her old master to his own dark devices, never looking back.

- 

Regina knew her decision long before the letter arrived. The conquered kingdoms didn’t want this to escalate into a full-blown war any more than they did. A courier arrived in the morning with a letter of challenge.

The human weapons would face each other, one on one, the winner would decide the fate of the kingdoms. No civilian lives needed to be lost. No more  _human_ lives needed to be lost. 

Emma promised that they would find another solution, that she would fight whatever decision the council made with everything she had. 

Regina already knew that the council wouldn’t be able to make a decision, not in time at least. The decision would fall on Snow and David and they would delay their answer further. The war would be at their doorstep by the time they made a decision.

“My mother sold my soul to the devil before your great-grandfather was even born, I went over a hundred years without feeling anything as I murdered thousands, this may be the only thing I do that matters, I’m going to protect our home no matter what.” 

“That’s very poetic but there’s no way I’m going to let you do this.”  

“You can’t stop me, Emma.”  

“Please, please stay for me, please don’t do this.” Emma clasps their hands together. Begging Regina to stop the madness. The other woman doesn’t meet her eyes, instead staring out the window intently.

“Emma, would you just stay with me for tonight? That’s all I ask of you.” Regina still won’t meet her eyes, but Emma relents, giving Regina a quick peck on the lips before snuggling into Regina’s embrace. Hoping this meant that they would discuss this more in the morning.

She lets Emma’s arms encircle her waist while they rest. In the morning she will have to face the consequences of her decision, but for now, she lets Emma’s snores lull her to sleep.

-

Regina wakes before the sun, Emma still snoring softly beside her. 

She presses her lips to Emma’s forehead and watches as the light aura spread over the sleeping form, she would end this here and now, lest more lives be lost.

She saddles up Rocinante slowly, knowing that she has more than enough time, wanting her oldest friend to have a nice final ride. She grabs apples and carrots from the storage cabinet in the stables, shoving them into the pockets of her riding pants and the empty saddle bag.

She lets Rocinante loose when they’re close to the agreed location. She lets him nuzzle her affectionately one last time before shooing him away from the site of the future battle.

“So, you came,” Regina had seen the old man before, but he looked even older and more decrepit than the last time she saw him. She reasons that he likely made the cardinal error of all sorcerers, removing one’s heart in a pathetic attempt at immortality. It didn’t matter though, she would kill him all the same. 

“Yes.”

“I didn’t think your owners were foolhardy enough to even send you,” he laughs though nothing is funny.

“They didn’t, so I made the decision for them, I don’t want anyone else to die, we can end this right here and now.”

“Do you remember what used to be here before the forest started to take back the land here?”

“A town, Lucifer, Calcite, something like that,” Regina remembers the destruction of the village much more than she remembers the village itself. The Leopold at the time had forced her to deal with the growing separatist movement as bloodily as possible. It was a poor attempt at trying to send a message to the other separatists. All it did was water the land with more blood.

“Calcifer, I know because I lived here before you destroyed it, you killed my entire village and you can’t even be bothered to remember its name,” he snarls out the last bit, personally offended by Regina’s bad memory.

“I destroyed countless villages under the White Kingdom’s rule, it’s hard to keep track,” she tries to play it off like the unnamed towns didn’t keep her awake at night. “The people you’re working with won’t bring the end to the destruction, they’ll just cause more of it.”

“Do you think I care about causing more destruction? I don’t. All I’ve cared about for as long as I can remember is finding you again and getting revenge.”

“I’m sorry for what I did to your village, but I can’t allow you any further, despite everything this is my home, and I will protect it.”

“What’s your name? I would like to know it before I kill you,” he smiles and shows far too many teeth.

“Regina,” she readies herself for a fight.

“Regina, I’m Lambert, I hope you’ll remember the name of the person who kills you.” He throws a barrage of fireballs before he even finishes the sentence. Regina deflects them and hurls her own volley of fireballs back at him. A few graze him but the old man is sprier than expected and disperses many of them before they reach him.

They continued to send spell after spell at each other, hoping that one would cause enough damage to end the battle, but in their current states, they were evenly matched. 

Both of them were weakening, she could tell. Their volleys of magic had grown slower and slower, more and more of their hits had managed to land on each other.

Lambert sends a strong blast of magic her way, Regina knows that this would be his last attack, he had to be nearing the end of his reserves, he was trying to finish her off before he died. She lets the blast hit her square in the chest. He doesn’t expect her to still be standing after the hit, he goes to use his magic again and finds his hands shoot only sparks. It gives her an opening to finish him off. She pulled the sword from her belt and putting all of her strength into one strike sliced Lambert’s head clean off his shoulders. She uses the last of her magic to make sure he stays dead. 

Regina knew that it was over. She was out of strength and out of magic. The curse on her heart was breaking and there was nothing she could do about it. She makes it about a hundred feet before collapsing. She had long accepted her fate, but in her final moments, she hopes that Emma will be able to live on after this. She doesn’t have any more time to think on this, her eyes finally become too heavy to keep open and she succumbs to her fate.

-

_“What is the most powerful magic of all? Is there a type of magic that will defeat anything it faces?” She had asked Regina that question once, years ago before she realized that every action has an equal and opposite reaction; before she knew how much Regina would eventually mean to her._  

_Humoring her, Regina had responded, “True love is the most powerful magic of all. People will do all sorts of crazy things for it. Magic users more powerful than Rumpelstiltskin have crossed dimensions and turned back time to try and find it again. It can break curses, open gateways and sometimes allows someone to cheat death.” Emma had thought that Regina was messing with her, but she was telling the truth._

_“How do you know if you’re with your true love or if you have true love with someone?” Emma asked for elaboration as she so often did, Regina complied._

_“You don’t, not really at least, you love someone and hope that it’s meant to be. Your parents didn’t know that they would be true loves, but they followed their hearts”_

_“That’s silly” Emma had said._

_“It is, isn’t it” Regina had replied with a chuckle. To love someone with no other reason than destiny was ridiculous. Love was a human emotion, it didn’t belong to her anymore but, it meant something to Emma._

-

Emma forces her horse to go faster, Beetle’s health is the furthest thing from her mind at this moment. He would recover and she would find Regina. She wouldn’t be too late.

_Emma wakes to cold sheets, she doesn’t know why she’s surprised but she is. She had hoped in her heart of hearts that Regina would stay. Emma had thrown yesterday’s clothes on in her rush, she runs down to the throne room before she can form a complete thought. “Where did she go?”_

_“Emma,” her parents try and get her to listen to reason, to stop whatever she was planning. It’s that patient parental pleading that they tried, again and again, it had rarely worked before and would likely not work now._

_“Don’t,” Emma holds up her hand to stop them before they could begin, “I know that she talked with you, I know that she went to the battle, where was it? I need to find her. She could be hurt or worse!”_   _Long ago when her mother had told her the same phrase she hadn't understood what it meant, now she thinks he knows._

_Snow knows the look in her daughter’s eyes better than anyone, she saw them in the mirror too often. “They agreed to meet on the eastern border, in the open fields where the village of Calcifer used to be.” The village had been destroyed long ago, razed to the ground for harboring separatists. Snow reaches for the box that had been given to her all those years ago, the box that had shaped their kingdom’s past, that would shape their future. She rushes down to her daughter before she can take off again, she offers the box in her outstretched hands, “Take it, Emma, make things right.”_

_Emma is surprised by her mother’s honesty, “Thank you, mom,” she pulls her mother into a quick embrace before rushing off, clutching the box to her chest like a lifeline, missing the look awe on her mother’s face, or the tears, or the soft-spoken words for her to ‘be safe’._

Emma thinks she’s lost, she knows that she headed in the right direction, but the forest just seems to stretch out further and further with no end in sight. She’s pretty sure that she’s passed the same crooked tree more than once. She would have just kept wandering around in endless circles, but a familiar steed crosses her path, stopping her.

“Rocinante,” the horse tosses his head at the mention of his name, “Do you know where Regina is?” he whinnies at her in seeming agreement, leading the way further into the brush. Emma dismounts quickly, grabbing Beetle’s reins and following the stallion through the thick brush. Rocinante leads her out of the thick brush into an open field.

She sees the destruction long before she sees the bodies. Trees split as if they were nothing more than twigs, huge chunks of the ground missing, and little fires everywhere. She finds the body of the other sorcerer before Regina’s. His withered old body was lifeless and had been like that for a while. Emma doesn’t spare him another thought, there would be time to count casualties later.

Regina lay a few hundred feet from where she found the old man. Regina lays on the ground, in the center of all of the destruction. For a second Emma can think that she was only sleeping. Though she already knows what has happened.

Emma reaches for the box with the heart in her saddlebag, her hands tremble so much that she almost can’t undo the clasp on the box. She reaches in and lifts the organ from the box. She had seen the heart once or twice before, always sneaking glances as her parents opened the box to force Regina to do something. When she had seen it back then, the heart had been red and glowing, beating steadily despite its separation from its owner. She sees it now and it’s as gray as ash and completely still. Emma cradles the heart as if it were a newborn bird. Hoping that it would be enough to save the other woman.

She tries to push the heart back into Regina’s chest. It crumbles into dust in her hands. Emma lets out a sob that she had been holding in. She tries to think of something that she can do to help her.

“Regina, please come back to me,” She pressed her lips to Regina’s cold ones. Praying to whatever gods that may be listening that this will work. That Regina will come back to her. The woman in her arms doesn’t stir.

Emma’s hands scratch at her chest, hoping that she can stop the pain there.

Then her hand isn’t scratching her chest anymore, it’s _inside_ her chest. She can feel the rapid beating of her heart beneath her palm. The revelation that she had magic is short lived. She knew enough about hearts to know what she could do. 

She decides at that moment that she has nothing to lose and begins to pull. If there was even a chance that this could help Regina she would for it. Her heart doesn’t come out easily, it hurts, it really fucking hurts, but she keeps going. Hoping that all of this pain will be worth it. 

Her heart is red as blood. It fits into her palm nicely and Emma gives herself a second to admire it. Already without her heart she can feel her emotions dulling. She could still feel her love for Regina already feeling further and further away. The tears don’t stop though.

_Was this what Regina felt like all the time?_

Emma tries to not dwell on it. She hopes that in the future she will have time to talk with Regina about this. That they will still have the opportunity to be together after all of this. She pushes the beating organ into Regina’s chest. There’s a brief flash of white light. 

Regina’s eyes shoot open.

-

Regina has long since known what would happen after the battle. In fact, she wasn't even sure that she would last the whole battle. For Emma’s sake she hoped that she would, but there was no guarantee.

Whens she wakes after the battle she’s sure that she must be dead. That this must be some sort of twisted afterlife that the gods are punishing her with. She had done enough to deserve it, but she had hoped that the gods would just let her die in peace.

Emma’s hands rest on her chest, tear tracks are still fresh on the princess’ face. The girl is still sobbing, more tears have to fall on her face before she realizes that she’s still alive. She reaches up to wipe the tears away from Emma’s face.

“Emma?” Her voice is barely a whisper.

“Regina,” Emma clutches her closer at the revelation of her name, “Are you okay? Does anything hurt?”

It’s then that Regina feels the unfamiliar beating of an organ beneath her chest. Her right hand reaches up and checks just to be sure, it’s real. “Emma, what did you do?”

“I gave you my heart,” Emma covers her hand resting on her chest with her own.

“Emma, why would you do that? You could’ve died! That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen you do!” Regina is shocked by the emotion in her own voice. She loves the feeling instantly, she loves that fact that she can feel at all.

“What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let you die, Regina!” Despite the anger in Emma’s voice, Regina can already see the fire fading from the other woman’s eyes. Emma couldn’t live like this, she wouldn’t make Emma live like this. Emma takes her lack of response as acceptance, “I love you, Regina, I don’t want to have to live without you, and I don’t want you to have to suffer anymore,” Emma leans in and captures her lips in a blistering and bruising kiss.  

Regina revels in the feeling of Emma’s lips on her own. The feeling of being loved so much by someone who should have never have come in contact with someone like her. With her heart in her chest, she can feel how much Emma loves her. Even as she knows that the feeling is fading from the other woman as they speak.

She reaches into her chest to return the heart to its rightful owner. She wouldn’t force Emma to live without her heart. She wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone. As she reaches into her own chest to take the heart out she prays that Emma can continue to live after this.

Emma notices her ministrations and tries to stop her, but Regina has far more practice ripping out hearts and is faster.

And then there’s a blinding white light. In her hand is half of a red beating heart.

“What happened?”

“Your heart split,” Regina stares at the heart in her hand with absolute shock, she takes the half still in her hand gently and pushes it back into Emma’s chest, “I have half and you have half.”

“How is that possible?”

“True love,” Regina is breathless at the open acknowledgment.

Emma kisses her at this declaration.

They will travel back to the kingdom later, they will have to deal with the fallout of the battle. The conquered kingdoms will reach a treatise with the White Kingdom to maintain their own autonomy while still being a part of the White Kingdom. The wounds between the kingdoms will never But for now they just let themselves get lost in each other.

-

Regina tries to stay with Emma after getting her heart back. She can’t even look at her old room so she stays in the surrounding village. An innkeeper is renting out her attic and Regina quickly takes her up on the offer. Snow and David foot the bill, not wanting her anywhere near the castle after everything that had happened. Emma visits her often when the princess was not tied down with her lessons and preparations to take the crown she would try and spend any free time she had with Regina. She appreciates the gestures of affection, but it’s too much for her. Feeling anything is too much for her, but, she can’t bring herself to turn Emma down. 

It takes a while for Emma to notice how uncomfortable Regina is with her presence, it takes her far too long to even start to learn to read Regina’s emotions, she’s so used to her stoic apathy. She tries to address the situation, but even long after she says it still sounds flimsy. “You know that you don’t owe me anything.”

“I know,” Regina says, although she doesn’t, not at all. She finds that, even after being alive for nearly half a millenia, she doesn’t know much of anything. Her heart was stolen from her as a child, how was she supposed to know how to live as an adult now?

Regina decides to leave sometime after getting her heart back. The decision has been a long time coming, but it takes her months to even begin to articulate the feeling, to even be able to recognize the feeling as her own. It’s hard for her to stay in the same place where she spent the last few centuries being owned. Emma wants to come with her, but she turns the other woman down. Emma’s heart literally beat in her chest, it beat for the other woman, but it was hard for her to be around her. It was hard to live with someone whose family had caused her so much pain. Even with her affection for Emma, she finds that forgiveness for the White Family may be too difficult for her to ever process.

She loved Emma back when she didn’t have her heart. Now that she had a heart it was hard to feel _so much_ all the time. She wakes some days and can’t stop crying, she wakes some days and just feels so _happy_ to be alive. All she really knows is that she needs time to figure out what it means to be human again and that she needs to do it alone.

So, she leaves and is not sure if she’ll come back at all.

Emma tries to understand, even though her heart breaks as she watches Regina ride away.

She takes Rocinante back to the mill. She clears away the debris and tries to live there again. She stays there for nearly a year, time moves much more slowly when you know that it can affect you. She can’t stay there though, the mill was from her life before, she didn’t belong there anymore.

She travels for months after that, she wants to see everything that she was denied for all those years. She sends letters to Emma when she thinks of it. Promising nothing but wanting the other woman to know that she was still alive and that she was happy. Not that it should matter, she’s slowly learning to not owe people anything. She didn’t owe Emma anything for saving her. Emma had told her this time and time again but the message was just setting in.

She meets people from all walks of life, princesses from other kingdoms, thieves, and villagers alike. She finds slave trades in other countries and destroys what she can. Deep down she knows that the monster will just come back even stronger. For there to be a fundamental change there had to be support from the ruling class. None of the other places she visited would even hear here pleas.

She finds that when she stops for too long she starts to miss Emma. She finds that misses other things, her father, the long-lost idea of her home, Daniel. None are as fresh in her mind as Emma, but she isn’t ready to head back. And so she keeps going.

She sees vast deserts and dense woods, sprawling kingdoms, and tiny villages. She meets as many people as possible. Regina wants to use her magic to help others, to right the wrongs that she had committed centuries ago, even if it was only symbolically. She enchants farmlands to stay fertile longer and springs to stay clean. When the villagers are uneasy around magic she helps thatch roofs and feeds livestock.

At some point, she realized that it’s been years since the war ended. Years since she’s last seen Emma or the White Kingdom. She’s kept writing to Emma the whole time that she had been gone but never stayed in the same place long enough for anything the princess wrote to reach her. At the thought her heart clenches. The pain that the kingdom had caused her was undeniable, but she finds that the animosity she felt for them has dulled. She was far from forgiveness, but she didn’t need to forgive them to love Emma. She wants to see Emma again, to help her build a better kingdom.

Regina saddles Rocinante up and turns back towards the White Kingdom. She decides that it’s time that she head home.

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

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